The first time I came out, I came out as a bisexual person. It was not because I wanted to pass. That was never my intention. If anyone knew me at all, they would know that I always intend to be as true to others as I am true to myself. I reasoned that if I am not true to others, it would be the same as though I am lying to myself. I currently identify as queer because the bisexual label no longer fits me. To be a bisexual person, I would have to be sexually attracted to men and women, assuming that those are the only two sexes and genders in the world and that my attraction to people is sexual as opposed to something else.
I recently had a heated discussion with an old high school classmate of mine. When he found out that I like women, he applauded me on “passing.” He said that I am a “good lesbian” because he had no idea that I liked women. He applauded me for still looking and acting feminine. I was stunned into silence.
On the other side, there are people like Sue Sylvester (played by Jane Lynch) on Glee who would like to know who’s gay and who’s not so that they would know who they can judge and discriminate against. “Sneaky gays” are everywhere now. These are gays who, in Sue’s opinion, look and act like straight people because they are not flamboyant. She longs for the days of “Oscar Wilde, Liberace- homosexuals so flaming they could be seen from space.”
So which is it? Some straight, homophobic people want us to stay in the closet because our coming out of the closet makes them feel uncomfortable. Other straight, homophobic people want us to come out of the closet because if we’re “straight-looking,” we make them feel uncomfortable when they don’t know how to differentiate between the straight people and the non-straight people.
Via: freaksquadron
If that isn’t enough, we also have people in our own community telling us, “Oh, I didn’t think you were family because you look straight.” What is a LGBTQIA family member supposed to look like? What is a straight person supposed to look like? Should I give myself a buzzed crew cut to look like a stereotypical lesbian? No, don’t answer that. I will not give myself a buzzed crew cut. That’s not my style. I like my layered asymmetrical bob, and I like soft ruffles on my shirts and sweaters. Calling me a “good lesbian” is akin to a white person calling a non-white person a good “[insert your ethnic background] person” because they “act white,” or a non-white person calling another person of the same ethnic group a “bad [ethnic] person” because they “act white.”
I will admit that I was tempted to write off my high school classmate after that conversation, but I decided against it because I aim to raise awareness. Am I tempted to write off people in our own community when they tell me that I look straight? Certainly because I would much rather not deal with this type of ignorant nonsense, but I will not and I choose not to. In order to raise awareness that we, in the LGBTQIA community, are multi-faceted human beings like any other person in the world, I aim to educate. If you have questions or need any additional information about anything gender and sexuality related, I’ll do my best to answer them. I aim to be an “educated queer.”
You May Also Like:
How Do You Solve a Problem Like MichFest?
Equality for All? Fear in the Queer Community
Where The Girls Were
Back to blog
About JT
JT is originally from San Francisco, CA. She graduated from UC Santa Cruz with a degree in psychology, focusing primarily on gender and sexuality research. Seeking a change in 2008, she moved to Chicago, and what a change it has been! She can been seen walking and yelping about various Chicago neighborhoods. JT identifies as queer and bisexual, and she is currently dating a straight man. She has an unapologetic love for civil rights, whether it’d be for racial, gender, sexual, or political socioeconomic equality. Occasionally, she volunteers with Howard Brown Health Center to promote safer sex in Boystown.
Frankly, when I saw the title I thought to myself “Oh how fun! It is a battle hymn for the War of Good Lesbian against Bad Gays”, in a very much Underworld: Vampires vs. Werewolves sense. But no, it had to be sensible article that made sense. Thanks for totally ruining it.
Posted by Honour | May 10, 2011, 8:04 amI’m also a sneaky queer lady, who gets an A for gender conforming. It’s also been a weird thing for me, because I’ve never felt so feminine until I came out and other gay people decided I was femme. Excited for the female attention I went out and bought more dresses, isn’t that weird. It becomes cyclical. Then when I got my hair chopped off I was asked out more often by other gay women because it’s like all we have to go other than short fingernails.
Posted by Kim | May 11, 2011, 10:46 pm