What does it mean to “Lean In”? That’s been the buzz this past week, when Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of Facebook came out with her new book “Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead.” Her message summed up in one word, empowerment. Women have slowly but surely been excelling over our male counterparts in the classroom for years now, but somehow collegiate success has not translated to equality in the workplace. Why is there a discrepancy?
Among the Fortune 500 firms, only 4% of them have female CEO’s leading them. A 2010 statistic shows that women earn 77 cents on every dollar earned by men in pay. We all know there is inequality, but whose fault is it? Is it a structural problem? Is it the good ole boys club holding us back? Or are we holding ourselves back? Sandberg seems to think it’s the latter and believes that women are unintentionally holding themselves back by not stepping forward and taking on life’s challenges in and out of the workplace with the same sort of boldness and gusto that men do.
Sandberg offers her advice to women out there who aren’t taking the risks and negotiating the best of what they’re worth by sharing her personal experiences and the success she has gained over the years. While her message has been controversial especially among some women who don’t think she is in touch with the problems of the everyday woman (which I don’t disagree), there are a lot of positives in what she is saying which are valuable takeaways and should be discussed.
Sandberg’s rallying cry to step it up and “lean in” hits home not just if you’re a woman but also if you’re gay and more so if you’re both! Being a lesbian or any LBTQ woman out there working in a professional company environment presents its own set of challenges and an added dimension that other women don’t even have to consider…the usual questions loom,
“Do I come out at work? If so, when? And who do I tell? Or, do I just keep it quiet? If I do come out, will it affect how my boss looks at me? Will it affect my pay, my power to negotiate salary or the way I’m treated? What will the other women think? Do I feel comfortable “being myself” outside of the safety nets of my gay friendships and relationships? Do I talk about my girlfriend or wife around others?
These questions circling around in our heads can and do sometimes lead to bearing a level of hesitancy or overthinking when it comes to making important decisions within our careers. Is there such a thing as a self-imposed glass ceiling? Do the pressures and aspirations of managing a career, striving to “have it all” while also being an LBTQ woman become a lot to handle? These questions don’t have an answer, the answer lies within each of us. For some gay women out there, maybe taking on the best of what life has to offer has been a breeze for you and for that I congratulate and applaud you. For those out there who feel that maybe some aspect of your life is lacking, or its stuck in neutral and you feel like you could be doing more to change it, my message is for you.
I’m not going to give any sort of “rah rah” pep talk on how you can get ahead and solve your life’s problems, because god knows I have not done everything right in my life and despite some success, I’m still in the process of chasing my own dreams and trying to meet and exceed my own self-imposed expectations for success. I’m still living in the moment, striving to achieve all of the things that will make me happy but from my personal experience, I have learned there are no hidden secrets, cure all’s or magic pills you can take (although some scientist should work on that) to gain the necessary power you need to conquer your goals. Buying a myriad of self-help books or even buying Ms. Sandberg’s book is not going to do it either. Female and LGBT workplace inequality will be an issue that will exist and persist within our society for years to come if history sets any sort of precedence for predicting the future.
However, I do know this, no matter what path you take in your career or in your life, there are some simple rules that I think we all can agree on and we should live by especially as gay women:
- Be who you are, own it, be proud of it and display it to others on your own terms.
- When outside boundaries exist that are preventing you from achieving what you want, defy and redefine those boundaries. Do so by challenging the barriers you face along the way. Do so, not only to improve your own life but to improve the lives of others like you as well.
- Set the expectations bar of how others should treat you- that includes not accepting less from how your family feels about you coming out. Being who you are is not a choice-neither is them being your parent or relative. Living up to their responsibilities as a parent or relative is not a choice that they have either. Remind them of that, if they ever forget.
- Don’t be afraid to negotiate your worth for fear you won’t get the job you want. People respect risk takers and people who are not afraid to stand up for themselves. If you’re a door mat, what else do you expect people to do but walk all over you? Use the experience you gain as a stepping stone to your next endeavor and then repeat. Repeat as necessary to get where you want to go.
- Don’t try to grab for the fairytale that exists in your head-career, wife, kids, house, etc. all at once. Great things are not achieved by one single action but by a collection of small things brought together over time. That also means don’t u-haul your way into your ideal relationship.
- Never feel afraid to show off your talents or skills, to dummy down or remain in the shadows because that feels easy. Take the harder route, it will pay off in the end.
- Failure is not a bad thing. In fact, it’s a really good thing. Failure breeds strength and character. Embrace it, learn from it and know that you will be stubbing your toe against the door many more times in the future.
- And most importantly, never let someone else define who you are…
Guest Blogger - Mallorie DeRiggi
Mallorie DeRiggi is a 20 something marketing manager and communications professional who moved to Chicago over 3 years ago at the start of her career. Mallorie works in the software/internet marketing space and possesses a strong creative ability to communicate ideas and develop strategy to make those ideas persuasive to others. She loves to travel and has had a passion for learning new things about the world ever since she was little. She speaks Italian and Spanish and is working on learning another language in the future. She loves to write and is in the process of writing a novel. She has passion for LGBT advocacy, politics, fashion, technology, cooking and following her favorite hockey team. In her free time, she’s often out and about at different restaurants and bars hanging out with her friends or going out dancing on occasion.
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