This August 26th the gays are taking over Wrigley Field to celebrate Out at Wrigley! Out At Wrigley is the most attended LGBT event in professional sports. It has only 500 seats but there’s no more visible a place than the NEW right field and the adjacent bleacher section. Best yet, this game is going to be shown on Fox so be sure to bring a sign to say hi to grandma.

So, how does one go about “living the dream”? If you want to sing the national anthem or throw out the first pitch you’re gonna have to fight for it!

The guys from MTM who make Out at Wrigley a reality have a host of dates that will let you compete. And here’s how you do it:

To sing the National Anthem you need to get to one of the following location and sing your heart out to your favorite karaoke songs! Here’s a tip…to be sure they have the song or back up song you want to sing I would bring a copy of the karaoke version with you!

DS Tequila- 5/22- Sign up 8:00
T’s- 5/31- Sign up 8:00
Spin- 6/11- Sign up 8:00

Roscoe’s- 6/20- Semi Finals- sign up 8:00

Sidetrack- 7/10- Anthem Finale- Sign up at 8:00

For the finals you have to sing God Bless America AND The National Anthem acapella!!!

And for my athletically inclined ladies:

All you have to do is attend one of the following locations and… Stand 15-20 feet from target which has areas that score you different point values. You throw three balls per round and after three rounds the top three scores advance to the finals!!! All sign-ups will be at noon…don’t be late!

Halsteds- 5/20- First Pitch
Jackhammer- 6/17- First Pitch
Parlour First Pitch- Friday 7/6, sign up 8:00

Burkes- 7/15- First Pitch
Road House- 7/22- First Pitch
Glenwood First Pitch- Thursday- 8/2 Contest 8:00

Crew- 8/16- First Pitch Finale- sign up 7:00

Just a fun fact for all of you…the past two years women won the first pitch AND The National Anthem contest!!!!

So go to www.outatwrigley.com for the details and buy your tickets. Bleacher seats are $50 and the VIP all inclusive new right field party deck is only $130.

So, dust off your jersey, and start getting those vocal chords and pitching arms in shape! Dust of your cargo shorts and prep your best tank top because on Saturday, August 26th @ 1:20 pm the LGBT community is going to be Out At Wrigley and you are going to want to look good for the camera.

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This weekend, several world leaders whose nations are members of, or partners with, the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) will be arriving in Chicago for two days of meetings. They will undoubtedly be discussing their mission of “Peace and security in all areas of everyday life” (or so says their official website). Ironically enough, this mission is far from upheld on the world stage- and is certainly not expected to be upheld in the streets of Chicago.

There are many reasons why NATO pisses me off, and it spans much further than the disruption of my daily commute into Downtown or the dent in my girlfriend’s tips at the Tea House across from the Daley Center. From the atrocious acts that it has imposed on impoverished and independent countries to the Chicago Police Department and its preparation to silence, hide and violate the protesters that will be present- this weekend will highlight everything BUT such a “mission of peace and security”. Beyond all the inconvenience, take a minute to read this article so I can quickly summarize some legitimate reasons to let this circus get under your skin too.

Quick and blunt history of NATO

The North Atlantic Trade Organization was formed in 1949 by a group of nations in order to hinder the Russian influence over the reconstruction of Europe, and further keep the world free of communism and further facilitate capitalism. Basically, we wanted to thwart the economic and political interests of the Soviets by aligning with other countries with ideals similar to our own. Although before the collapse of the Soviet Union this seemed to have at one point been a warranted and ethical mission, the Organization has since become nothing other than the military arm of Western (American) economic interest. NATO has become THE global intervention power, though it often picks and chooses which Dictatorships or governments are worthy of such violent and often badly planned involvement.

While I could write on and on about the diverse involvement NATO has had in several countries, let me just pinpoint a couple that have garnered the most (but not often transparent in terms of mainstream) press. When the organization “intervened” in oil-rich Libya following the Qadhafi regime’s targeting of civilians, it became nothing more than taking the sides of the rebels in a mutually violent Civil War. This backing not only included providing close air support and “humanitarian bombings” (the death toll is estimated between 2,000 and 30,000) but also served as a step for Western countries towards controlling millions of gallons of oil previously inaccessible under Qadhafi’s rule. The real kicker? The rebels that we aided in Libya are now gutting human rights (including women’s rights), and have recently passed many laws similar to those of the old regime implemented – including criminalization of political dissent, and granting blanket immunity to those who commit crimes committed “in support” of the revolution.

I could go on with one example after another of NATO’s “justified” interventions in countries such as Libya, Afghanistan and Iraq, but for brevity, I will refer you to a paper, “Politics of Intervention: A Case of Kosovo, Afghanistan and Iraq” http://www.ijbssnet.com/journals/Vol._2_No._11_%5BSpecial_Issue-June_2011%5D/10.pdf  which will outline three other similar cases- all of which have similar circumstantial and self-serving motivations. It is a good piece, and will give you the means to decide for yourself whether there was something fishy about these actions, and will hopefully stick in your mind as NATO continues to justify similar moves on a global stage.

NATO By The Numbers

$700+ Billion- The amount the United States taxpayers pay for the military each year, of which $700 Million goes towards NATO

$1.5 Trillion- The amount the world spends on militaries, two thirds of which NATO countries account for

$1.9 Billion- The amount the U.S. spent on unmanned Predator and Reaper drones in 2011

450- The number of people displaced daily in Afghanistan

250- The number of children who die each day in Afghanistan due to malnutrition

2024- The year that the “Strategic partnership agreement” between the U.S. and Afghanistan is set to expire

$3 Trillion- The estimated cost of the entirety of the Iraq War according to economist Joseph Stiglitz

NATO in Chicago

Only a year into his term, Mayor Rahm Emmanuel is flexing his muscle by bringing one of the most controversial and internationally followed events to Chicago’s stage to somehow legitimatize and propagandize its global presence. Though the Summit will be bringing in dozens of the most prestigious political figures from around the world as well as an estimated $128 million, Chicago has prepared for thousands of protesters to flock to the city in dissent. The 12,500-member Chicago Police Department has committed more than a third of its officers to the events this weekend, even adding officers from out of state, and have been training for over a year. In addition to Secret Service, 1,000 active-duty U.S. troops and 2,000 National Guard members will be on hand “just in case”. Shit, I haven’t even mentioned the crazy weapons, armor and other hoops that they have been going through in preparation.

Doesn’t it seem kinda crazy that such force is expected for a protest? I mean, as a nice Minnesota girl I would say our protests never got too rowdy, except for the RNC- but I blame Sarah Palin. Well, unfortunately Chicago has quite the reputation for Human Rights Abuses within the Chicago Police Department, especially when it comes to protests. From the Democratic National Convention in 1968 to the 2003 Anti-war protests, the CPD has been known for unwarranted beatings, mass arrests and other provocative/violent actions. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Who is justified in their predictions of violence, the cops or the protesters? As of now- it’s a complete crapshoot.

Get Pissed for the Right Reasons

Whether you will be bailing on the Midwest and avoiding Chicago at any cost or marching in solidarity to McCormick Place this weekend, take a minute to think about all of the history, the violence and the anger that has built up to the predicted chaos. Be it for the rights of those in the countries on whom we impose our ideals or the protesters who will be left chained inhumanely to a pole in a police station for speaking their mind, think about the relevance, both social and political, of this International event that will be affecting us in our own backyard.

To all of you who are forced to commute on Monday, best of luck- remember you can’t bring ANYTHING on the Metra. And to the brothers and sisters who will be out there voicing their solidarity, be safe and keep the peace.

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From the first moment I met her at a friend’s house party, there to do tarot card readings, I knew she was special. I didn’t know how special and amazing, however, until later. Being as involved in the community as we both are, it was inevitable that our paths would cross over and over again. I was very fortunate to work together with her on planning committees, the LCCP Advisory Board and even on a photo shoot. Our friendship and my total admiration developed slowly like a good glass of “Sex”, her favorite Brut Rose Champagne. Few people know how generous and committed to our community she truly is. In the 7 years or so that she’s lived here, she has donated enormous amounts of time, energy and funds to support and promote many events and organizations. She’s even opened up her home to have events that supported fellow musicians and artists. For all of her hard work, tarot card readings or performances, I’ve yet to hear of her taking a dime for herself. Whatever money is given goes right back out to the community. Few people have as big a heart or as large a high-heeled shoe collection as Kat. She’s most definitely one of a kind, a true gift with many gifts. This is was why I asked to interview her for the L Stop’s community spotlight.

Kat bangin on some drums.

We met one evening in mid-April at a Howard Brown event downtown where she was doing her usual magic with the camera. Afterwards, we had dinner at one of her favorite restaurants “Las Ramblas” in Andersonville. This is her story that she was kind enough to share with me over a glass of tequila, another one of her favorites.

Alma: So Kat how did your career as a musician begin?

Kat: I was a music major in college. I majored in jazz composition. My dream was to replace Ed Shaunessy as the drummer with the band on the Johnny Carson Show. But that didn’t happen. I also wanted to be Sheila E. I’ve always loved music. After college though, I went to work for the government on shuttle missions. But I found ways to keep up with my love of music. I sat in jam sessions. I went to open mics. Music is my passion and so is photography.

Alma: How did you get into that? Into photography?

Kat: I’ve been shooting since I was 13. There was this jackass that told me that I’d never be good at it. That prompted me to continue to take photography and eventually enter a contest. I took first place at the California State Fair for best color photograph at age 16…all because some idiot challenged me.

Alma: Well, thanks goes out to that idiot because you work magic with that camera. Why not make a living at just photography then since you’re so good at it? Or music or computers for that matter?

Kat: Because I would die if I stopped doing any of them. I often wonder how people can do just one thing.

Alma: I don’t have to tell you that I totally agree with you on that one. Where are you from originally
and how did you end up here in Chicago?

Kat: My dad was in the military. I was born in Northern California but I’ve lived all over the place
including a year in both Germany and England. I moved here because my ex who is a jazz singer wanted to live here. We moved here in October of 2005.

Alma: How did you get acquainted and involved with the community? You said shortly after you got here you met Tracy Baim?

Kat: Yes, I met Tracy Baim and she was looking for photographers for the Gay Games. So I volunteered. And for whatever reason, probably because I had some experience, there were a couple of us, myself and Steve Becker, were put as lead photographers.

This is how most of us see Kat.

Alma: So within 6 months of moving here…

Kat: I was thrown into the deep end of the gay community. And that was a HUGE opportunity to suddenly meet 99% of everybody that lives here in Chicago that’s gay. And it’s funny because even like 2 years later I still had people come up to me and say “Oh my god, you took a picture of me at the closing ceremonies at the Gay Games. Do you remember?” And I just look and stare at them like “huh”?

Alma: Shooting the Gay Games must have been a lot of work for you I imagine?

Kat: It was a blast. For the closing ceremony, everybody was at all these other events. Well I went to Wrigley Field early. That’s where the closing ceremony was. Cindy Lauper was there rehearsing. All the other photographers were at other events. I got to hang out with Cindy Lauper all day til later that evening when it all came to an end. And the cool thing was that we sat around talking because once she was done with her rehearsal she had nothing else to do. And when she came back for her True Colors tour she remembered me.

Alma: Wow that’s so cool. How did your involvement with the community get started? Because I know you were on the LCCP Advisory Board for a while.

Kat: On the day my ex and I closed on our condo, we decided we were going to have a glass of champagne there to celebrate our first place we bought together. We were driving up Clark and we were starving so we looked for a place to stop and eat. The place we ended up stopping at totally by accident was T’s. There was an event going on. I can’t remember what it was but we met a lot of people. We said “Oh my god, we just bought a condo a few blocks from here”. Out of all the restaurants in Chicago, we’re driving up the road and we pull up into T’s…

Alma: So how did your involvement begin with LCCP?

Kat: I don’t remember who asked me to join the board but it was about 2-3 years after the Gay Games. All I remember was that I kept repeating “Are you sure you want ME because I’m kind of stubborn and obstinate and opinionated and being on a board I’m going to speak up. I’m not going to just sit around and do nothing” And she said, “yes, that’s what we want”.

Alma: Were you active in the community back in Atlanta?

Kat: I helped start a monthly lesbian magazine about the size of Night Spots. It was called Labrys Atlanta which is how I came up with Labrys Chicago.

Alma: So how did Labrys Chicago come about and how long ago was that?

Labrys Chicago

Kat: When I came here, my ex and I felt like there didn’t seem to be a lot of ways to find out what was going on out in the lesbian community. There was Dyke Diva but it was starting to die out. So I thought, well let’s do a Labrys Chicago. I wanted to make it a print magazine but cost and time were both big factors so I ended up starting it as a website. But then Meetup came around and it morphed into a meetup group. I started it within a year of moving here and it’s still around today. It gives people another way to find out about events. I’m already thinking of starting a Labrys San Francisco.

Alma: One of the things that people say about you, and they say about me too actually, is that you go-go-go, you’re everywhere. You seem to have endless amount of energy. What motivates you? What’s behind all of that that gives you motivation?

Kat: There’s a very simple answer to that. It was 12 years ago that was told I was going to die, that I have cancer that’s inoperable. When you go through something like that you either live your life to the fullest or roll over and die. I swore that if I was going to die, I was going to die doing what I love – being out with people, making people smile, making people laugh, making them appreciate music.

Alma: How are you feeling today?

Kat: I have an attitude that says just deal with it. Sometimes I’m public about it; sometimes I’m not.
When I’m public about it, it’s because I’m so frustrated and tired of fighting and I vent. I’ve posted about
it on Facebook but I regret it. Facebook to me is a place where I make people laugh. After I was posting
for a month about my health I was thinking “this isn’t making anyone laugh. It’s making people feel sorry
for me” and I don’t want that. It’s that last thing I want. I want to make people laugh.

Alma: We’ve been talking about friends. You’ve lived so many places. Is that hard for you, to move somewhere, become friends with people and then move away?

Kat: Oh yeah it’s very hard. That’s why my personality is borderline psychotic.

Alma: Do you keep in touch with all those friends you’ve made along the way?

Kat: I try to keep in touch with people as best I can. It does get tough. I’m afraid that when I leave here I won’t be able to stay in touch with people as much as I want. Because if I’m not out shooting events, out of sight out of mind. People will forget about me.

Alma: Um, no I don’t think so. Chicago’s not going to be the same without you. That’s for sure. There’s going to be a huge void there at every event.

Kat: But that is something that is…I don’t know what the word is that I want to use. I want to say it’s surreal but I don’t know that that’s the right word. Some people are making a big deal about the fact that I’m leaving. They’re saying “oh, it’s not going to be the same”. And I’m going, I took pictures of people. I made them look good and I’m proud of that. I always said that I wanted to show the gay community in a different light, not pride parades and drag queens. It’s so much more than that. But there are people like you with Amigas Latinas and LCCP; there are so many other people out there that are active and doing far more than what I do. To be quite honest, I go to these events; I have a lot of fun and yes I’m working but I’m having a blast. I guess I don’t get it because I haven’t done anything. The people that win the awards because they’ve been busting their butts for years doing this stuff; I look at these people as I’m taking their pictures while they’re holding up their awards and I’m thinking “wow, why am I not doing something like that?” Those are the people that are making the difference. If THEY leave, Chicago won’t be the same. When I leave another photographer will start showing up at events and people will love them too. And that’s it.

Alma: Kat, you’re not taking into consideration how unique you are. Up until you came along, there were photographers. And after you leave, there’ll be photographers. But, will people say “Oh my god, there’s so and so and gather around them like they do with you? No, because photographers for the most part will go shoot the event and leave. You are very much involved with the community. You may not be trying to change the world but you’re helping in a different way. That’s why people know you, love you, acknowledge you. Just the fact that you’re bringing the LGBTQ community in to a different light with your photographs, helps us in our fight against discrimination, against hate crimes, against all the assumptions and misconceptions that the straight world has of us. I think that helps not only Chicago but it helps the LGBTQ community all over the world. So I disagree.

Kat: Well, one thing that I have tried to do is bridge the gap between the straight music community and the gay community. Even now the 4 Women series has become a new monthly lesbian hangout and that’s exactly what the owner of Katarina’s wanted; to reach out to the gay community. And it’s going to continue. I’m going to continue booking but Amy Bloom is going to be hosting. She’s going to be fabulous.

Alma: I agree. She’s a very talented woman. What do you think you’ll miss most about Chicago and/or the community?

Kat: The community! Honestly, everything about the community. I have lived in a lot of states, a couple of countries. I’ve moved everywhere. I’ve travelled everywhere. My mother used to tell me every time I’d call her she’d say, “You have really found your home in Chicago. I’ve never heard you talk about a city the way you talk about Chicago”. There were times I would talk about moving over there to be with them and she would talk me out of it. She’d say, “You are too happy there”. The only reason I’m leaving now is because it’s Apple. No other company would have been worth me leaving. And even my sister and my dad keep saying, “don’t move here just for us because if you move here and you’re miserable you’re not going to be any good to us”. It took me 2 weeks of literally reading the offer from Apple every day. I kept thinking about leaving Chicago. I love it here but I have to give it a shot.

Alma: I think everybody here knows that and respects that and is very happy for you. I mean you can tell from all the comments on Facebook how happy and excited people are for you. That’s an amazing opportunity. And for someone from OUR community to be given that opportunity by Apple?; kudos to Apple too for recognizing you.

Kat: I don’t think that I will ever find a community that is Chicago. For example, even Debby Rijos from Dykes on Bikes when she got the charter in order to be part of the national Dykes on Bikes said to me “Well you are a member. You are our photographer. You’re going to have one of our events.” I was like wow. Things like that make me realize things. Even last week I called my sister and asked her, “am I making the right decision?” I don’t know. I’ll find out in a month.

Alma: But you’re that kind of person that gives it a shot. I mean you have to. I don’t think there’s any question about it. You have to at least give it a shot.

Kat: But I do know that part of it is my mother is working. She wants me home close to my family. My father is 86 and she wants me near him. She did all this.

Alma: Thanks mom!

Kat: She was a pretty amazing lady. She was this devout Catholic; loved the Pope, loved the church. And yet she said, “I need to have words with him (the Pope) because for some reason he does not like my daughter and I want to talk to him about it”. And she always used to say too. “Well, of course I know you were born this way. This wasn’t a choice”. We would talk and she would try to figure it out and she’d go “I wonder if it was something I ate when I was pregnant? Or due to the fact that I drank gin gimlets”. She believed that something she probably did or ate or drank or whatever caused some sort of metabolic difference in her while I was being formed. And I said, well, who knows. I mean they’ll find something eventually. And all these people that have been babbling on about it being a choice are going to feel stupid. And I’ll say, “ah my mom knew it! Long before you did.” She was an amazing woman.

Alma: She didn’t say that feeling badly about it, did she?

Kat: No. We’d laugh about it. She was serious in the fact that she knew: it was biological! There was no
question in her mind.

Alma: You’re lucky. She really sounds amazing. You know just as well as I do of all the people that have
found themselves out in the street at age 13, 16.

Kat: I hear about those people and I am blessed in the fact that my parents had been together for 62 years. But for anyone to say that their mother or father or both threw them out. In Atlanta we had one of those hateful Christian organizations. The head of it was always chastised by the gay community because 20 years before she became the head of the Christian coalition in Atlanta she threw her lesbian daughter out. This was a Christian woman who threw her poor daughter out of the house and had not spoken to her in 20 years. I thought, “That’s Christian? And you’re her mother? What kind of mother are you?” It makes no sense to form an organization that (hurls) nothing but anti-gay this and that, fear and loathing to the gay community, when your own daughter you can’t even speak to? It boggles the mind. You simply just don’t think that human beings can be that way especially mothers and fathers to their children.

Kat loves her Pop Tarts.

Kat also shared with me at length earlier in the evening, the story behind her creating a sanctuary for pop tarts, the website that lists them as evil, how she agrees with that despite the fact that a pop tart saved her life and how the CIA is aware that they are the true weapons of mass destruction. However, I decided that due to the top secret nature of that information, I’d keep in on the DL. Needless to say, Kat has a creative sense of humor. I hope she goes through with writing a book so that everyone will be able to enjoy her unique take on life and pop tarts.

I feel honored and grateful, to say the very least, that Kat Fitzgerald spent some one-on-one time with me and shared her story about her life, her family and her passions. Most importantly, I’m grateful that I was able to meet her, get to know her, laugh with her, work with her, be photographed by her, in fact share our community with her.

Kat, you are one hell of an amazing woman. I now know after hearing about your family, especially your mom that you didn’t fall far from the family tree. I have no idea what it was that your mom ate that helped create the person that you are. Let me tell you though, I wish more people would go on her diet. We most certainly can use people in this world that are as generous, selfless, accepting, supportive, and wildly unique as you. Well, not exactly like you. I don’t know if we could handle more than one.

Whether you believe it or not, Chicago will truly miss you. You told me that one of the promoters in San Francisco expressed some concern when she agreed to have you photograph her events. She questioned whether you’d be comfortable photographing people of diverse ethnicities, backgrounds, genders, etc. I laughed just as hard as I can imagine anyone else here in Chicago that knows you would. Obviously, they have no idea of their good fortune. I hope that sooner rather than later they realize what a gem they have in their midst. If not, you still have us. You will always have us. And you will always have Chicago as your home.

See Kat’s incredible library of photos she has on Chicago events: http://mysticimagesphotography.com/events.php

Bai, Kat. Come back soon!

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Take a look – have some fun – and when you get to the end – tell us about your fave celebrity girl crush!!! It’s fun to share!!!

Lauren picked:

Kristen Stewart in The Runaways

I swear to all of you that I have never seen or had the desire to see any of the Twilight movies. That being said, I am also one of the most out of date 24 year olds when it comes to current events and celebrities, and I always have my IMDB app pulled up on my phone as to no longer annoy my girlfriend and roommates with constant questions as to the true identity and other movies of each character.

Watching “The Runaways”, the Story of Joan Jett and Carrie Currie of the 70’s band The Runaways, confused me more than ever. 1st question- WHO is that and why am I in love with Joan Jett 40 years too late? 2nd question- which makes me shutter- why WHY is Dakota Fanning even a LITTLE bit hot?! AHHH! Why is she the Cha cha cha cha cha cha cha Cherry Bomb?!

Seriously though, take Kristen Stewart, add a rebellious haircut, ripped clothes, and a guitar, not to mention her character’s love of sleeping with women and we have a winner! You may not believe me, but seriously check out the movie- she is one hot badass.

JT picked:

Chen Yalan

My first celebrity crush was on Chen Yalan. Yalan became famous for her handsome male roles in Taiwanese musical operas. I used to watch a lot of her opera shows with my parents when I was a kid, and I had the hugest crush on her, not knowing that she was really a woman. I was shocked when I found out, but in the end, her sex and gender didn’t matter to me. She was still hot!

Tina picked:

Sara Bareilles

My biggest celeb crush is probably Sara Bareilles. I absolutely love her voice! Her comedic persona with musical talent is enough on its own, but she also supports the community.

Vivian picked:

Christina Hendricks

The epitome of class, beauty, and grace. Also, boobs.

Karen said:

I have a lot of girl crushes

When I was about 15, I had a girl crush on Jane Fonda and Vanessa Redgrave due to what I perceived as a subtle lesbian theme in the film “Julia.” And I had a slight crush on Tatum O’Neal from the movie “Little Darlings” co-starring Kristy McNichol. Of course, I referred to them as Tantrum and Krusty….

But my adult woman-crushes are these:

Jane Seymour – I just think she is gorgeous. Dr. Quinn, and in the movie “Somewhere in Time.” I know people have made fun of her eyes, but I think she’s so sexy and I love her voice.

Catherina Zeta Jones is just so lovely to behold. She has such a beautiful face and sparkling eyes. Lately I’ve been watching reruns of Grey’s Anatomy and I do enjoy Sara Ramirez who plays the role of Dr.Callie Torres. She’s curvy and gorgeous. I don’t like the bag of bones types.

And Meryl Streep is a goddess. I love her work and she’s so nice to look at. She just gets more lovely with time. She is amazingly talented and seems so down to earth. I really am drawn to those qualities.

And I’m a fan of Emily Proctor on CSI Miami and three of the ADA’s on Law & Order: Stephanie March, Elizabeth Rohm and Alana De La Garza. They are all just nice to look at.

Guzman picked:

Sara Ramirez

What can I say really? The skin, the hair, the freaking smile had me at first sight. But then – then she opened her mouth and sang and my heart just popped. Love love love me some Sara.

Angelique picked:

Michele Rodriguez

I choose Michelle Rodriguez because she looks like she’d put me in my place and then make me thank her for it. Yum!

Leah picked:

FLORENCE Welsch

Omg I can’t pick my celebrity crush. There are so many women I would do naughty, naughty things to. The problem is that many of them are actually WAY too skinny in real life…if I can break you like a twig; you lose a lot of appeal for me (i.e. Katherine Moenning, Mila Kunic, Kristen Stewart, Ruta Gedmintas, Rhianna). I get pulled in by the luscious curves of Rachel Weisz and Kate Winslet but then realize I may eat them alive. Rachel Maddow? Omg, how hot is she? That brain! That quirk! But again, I may force her to talk the whole way through. Who to pick as my biggest, current celebrity crush?!? Emilia Clarke (Game of Thrones) or Florence Welsch (of Florence and the Machine). The lovely brunette who steals my heart every Sunday night or the crazy ginger who stomps on my soul every day.

Duh, Florence wins. I love the eccentricity, the pain, the voice that moves the very cells in my body. She scares me, more than a little, and I love every second of it. I love her unconventional beauty, her tenuous connection to this world. She is 100% original; there aren’t a hundred other tween celebrities popping up in her image (or with her talent). See, the pull for Florence is this…she’s dark and twisty in ways my brain hasn’t even imagined yet, and I love a good surprise. Orgasmic – every moment.

Erica picked:

Mila and Emma

I’m going to have to split my celebrity girl crush between Mila Kunis (I’m a sucker for brunettes) and Emma Stone (I’m a sucker for a funny lady). I can’t decide between the two. Both are way cute and hilarious. And, they’re hotties. But, I must say that Emma Stone would have to be my favorite actress out of the two ladies.

Alma picked:

Salma Hayek

Salma Hayek of course who else could it be??? OK, Eva Mendez was a very close runner up with those lips and those hips…they’ve been the subject of any an interesting fantasy!

But my Salma has a lil more sum’in sum’in. What could it be?
Besides the “chispa” that she inherited from the Mexican culture, this woman has drive!
She’s got the confidence and motivation that a lot of other beauties don’t have.
She’s not only an accomplished and award-winning actor but a director and producer as well.
She’s the CEO of her own Latin film production company, Ventanarosa.
Most importantly of all, what brings her nearer to my heart is her activism.
Specifically, her efforts in increasing awareness on violence against women and discrimination against immigrants.
She went so far as testifying before the U.S. Senate supporting reauthorizing the Violence Against
Women Act.
Go Salma!
Salma Hayek isn’t just a pretty face. She’s intelligent, motivated, philanthropic and strong.
She has all the qualities that I aspire to have and a body that I also aspire to have…next to me that is!
Ay dios mio!!!

Dawn picked:

Olivia Wilde

Olivia Wilde: I fell for her when she was on The OC making out with Mischa Barton. She is the only woman I think looks hot whether she is blonde, brunette, or a red-head. And how can you resist her sexy eyes?!

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• I’ll take a one way ticket to Lala Land please
• How My Identity Evolved As A Result of My Girlfriends Gender Identity
• Push Here To Open

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Brave?? For saying a simple, righteous, long overdue bit of verbiage???

The definition of the word brave is “possessing or exhibiting courage or courageous endurance.” Since when did it become brave to say the right thing? Since when did it become brave to believe that each and every single citizen of this country deserves to be treated equally under the law? Since when did it become brave to bestow kindness and give acceptance to each and every person without exception?? How pathetic are we as a nation to find ourselves crawling into the light of freedom, justice and equality for each and every human being this late in the game?? What sort of mentality lives and breathes in these shallow, unfounded debates regarding human rights? What does it say about us as a civilization when we allow certain human beings to label other human beings as being less human and less equal??

How can I make this stupid mess just go away? How can I be patient in a country that seems so petty and cannot simplify the process and just do the right thing. The right thing my friends. Do we not all pay our taxes equally? Do we not all abide by the same laws of the land equally? So – what is the problem? Why should my rights be questioned and debated and politically molested? Just because someone doesn’t like my groovy surfer girl hat does not mean it is not a cool hat. Just because my kids don’t eat their broccoli doesn’t mean that broccoli is not a good thing. Just because I am a girl who happens to like girls doesn’t mean I don’t get to play in the game like everyone else. Who made all these fucking lame ass, theoretically dysfunctional rules?? And why are we still less than all we are entitled to be under the constitution of the United States of America??

This is still the home of the brave and the land of the free – where we are all supposed to be playing by the same set of rules – right?? If that is true, and the game is fair and the playing field level and we all as citizens reap the same rewards for lives well lived – then why are all the prizes so different??? Why does the LGBT community get to run the race, color in the lines, cross all our t’s and dot all our i’s – and still stand alone at the back of the line just waiting for the exclusion, hatred, defamatory rhetoric and inequality to just go away.

Selective equality equals no equality at all my friends – and the moment that the curtains are lifted and the myths debunked, the lies untold and all of us are truly treated equally under the law will be the moment that bravery means more than simply saying the right thing.

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• Why NATO Pisses me off
• Busting Out Of The Myth Box
• La Niña El Niño El Whatever

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Tamale’s 12 for 12 is a collection of 12 questions posed to one of Tamale’s favorite comics each month.

I recently had the pleasure of sharing the stage with Gwen at the Mayne Stage as part of HER HRC. She kept the crowd rolling with laughter throughout her set, and closed with this physical bit about what it might look like if women adjusted themselves as freely as men do. It was amazing and you should try to catch one of her shows as soon as you can. Meet Gwen LaRoka!

1. When did you first know you wanted to do comedy?
It’s always been my #1 dream, ever since I was a little girl. I’ve always had that funny bone in me! I remember sitting and watching sketch shows like Bienvenidos (Latin TV show that ran from 1982 – 2001 – daaaamn I sound OLD! haha) and writing down the jokes so I can memorize them. My favorite show growing up though was In Living Color. I was about 7 years old when it first aired. Needless to say, I fell in love with performing arts! I’d sit, write down the jokes, practiced character impersonations and would re-enact the scenes by myself in the bedroom. I didn’t know it then, but now as comic/actress I look back and think “holy sh*t, I was working out material and without even knowing it!

2. How long have you been at it and in what forms?
Technically, I’d say since elementary school I guess. I got lucky and somehow scored a small role in an educational video for elementary schools. I don’t even have a clue how that happened! I was hooked. When I was finally old enough to pursue things on my own, I got involved with The Vagina Monologues at UIC and performed in that production for 4 consecutive years. All the while, doing a little improv at Second City in between that time. I then landed a wonderful spot in Teatro Luna’s amazing cast and play titled “Machos”, which had an amazing run at The Chicago Dramatists Theatre. Then, I finally made that leap into stand up and it’s been a hell of a ride ever since!

3. What has been your scariest moment on stage?
Going blank! Stand up is most definitely one of the hardest careers out there in terms of conquering some major fears. When you go on stage, you’re almost completely vulnerable up there. The worse feeling for me was when I first started out. I’d let my nerves get the best of me sometimes and momentarily just, go blank! Definitely causes a panic, but I’m happy to say I always worked it out just in time!

4. What are you most proud of in life? In comedy? In life?
My beautiful family. My Mom, Dad and 2 brothers Cesar and Will. They are THE most loving and supportive family I could ever ask for. I love them so much and am super lucky to have them! The same goes for my dearest friends and family!! But especially my beautiful and supportive partner, Maricely. In comedy, I’m proud of the progress I’ve made, not only as a starving artist (seriously? As skinny as I am I shouldn’t be using that saying lol), but also as a Latina woman, reppin’ the LGBTQ community. I’m proud of the amazing relationships I’ve been able to establish with many talented folks, from producers to actors to fellow comedians and of course fans. So proud of the love all around!

5. What are two things that are not related to comedy that you love, or enjoy doing and why?
I’m a lover of the arts over all. I feel it encompasses everything I love: art (in every form – painting, dance, music, spoken word, film, comedy, you name it!) activism, & of course community! It’s all tied into one another. At least in my world anyway.

6. Your biggest pet peeve about fellow comics is:
The lack of love & support for fellow comics and lack of appreciation for the crowd and stage time. I think it’s super essential to remain humble and appreciative of every relationship you build, connection you make, stage time you get, opportunity that’s offered to you, and the love and support from anyone who gives it to you. You can’t lose sight of that! If you’re naturally a genuine and sincere person this shouldn’t be a problem. We should build each other up, not compete with one another to the point that we’re knocking each other down in an attempt to get to the top. If you have the skills, confidence in your game, work hard on your craft and stay true to yourself and others, there would be no reason to feel threatened by other comics doing great things. We should really be supportive of one another, period. No matter the skin color, background, gender, NOTHING! We’re ALL the same, we share the same struggles and we all want the same out of life; to live happily and freely in peace. Bottom line, we’re all fam! Let’s bring each other up!

7. What’s the best advice you ever got about comedy and who said it?
I’ve been blessed to have had lots of talented folks give me some great advice, but one thing I heard that stuck with me was from my friend and fellow comedian Soli Santos. She said she was once told there are no bad ideas, just poor execution.

8. Please name three people who have inspired you in a way that has informed your comedy. What makes each of them so meaningful to you?
Well, the amount of people in my life who have stood behind me and supported me, and who have played a huge part in the progress I’ve made is most definitely well over (thankful for that!). They know who they are. Thank you friends! Having that said, I’ll answer with 3 influential comedic acts. I grew up being a huge fan of Jim Carrey, Martin Lawrence, and the entire cast of El Chavo del Ocho (a Latin sketch show I grew up watching). They each brought an element to their game that I found very natural and extremely funny. In that sense, I feel we’re the same. When I go on stage I’m just being me, it’s not an act or a recited piece, it’s me, having fun with folks, telling them about my personal experiences and observations. Sure it’s the same joke at times, but never told the same way every time. The comics I found most influential all possessed that natural ability to just be funny without trying. They were just being them, the way I’m just being me, both on and off stage.

9. What was the funniest thing you remember as a kid?
Wow, too many funny memories to narrow it down but one that definitely stands out is the VHS video of me at about age 7 or 8, locked in my parents bedroom re-enacting Fire Marshall Bill. I even hand crafted the props I needed for my sketch with play-doh! RIDICULOUS!!!

10. Do you drink coffee, and if so, how do you prefer it?
Only about a cup per morning, during the week when I need to stay awake at work. Selling insurance isn’t the most exciting day job! Though it can make for some great material! Haha. By the way, do you need a quote? Ahem! lol I dig my coffee sweet with plenty of cream baby! Please hold all the toxins in the sugar!

11. Tell me about a particularly memorable gig.
I’d have to say they are ALL super memorable and will forever be etched in my mind! BUT, over-all, I’d have to say my first Live DVD taping that I just had at Joe’s back in January. Mikey O Productions did an amazing job of putting together my live taping and I’m happy to say my show was completely SOLD OUT with a packed house!! It’s definitely one of the most important and memorable shows I’ve had so far! I’m super blessed! I’ll soon be launching my website www.gwenlaroka.com and the DVD’s will be up there for sale so be sure to snatch one up if you want some laughs =)

12. Hecklers. We’ve all had one, or at the very least, seen them work their magic. Tell me your favorite heckler story.
I can’t say I never had one, but luckily, the one or 2 I have had were simply ignored. I don’t even try to, it just happens, I block them out. When I’m on stage I’m in the zone, chatting with the audience, having a great time. You can kinda distinguish an audience member who’s simply enjoying your set and engaging with you from a heckler talking smack in the audience. The moment my mind identifies a heckler I simply keep doing my set, so thankfully I haven’t yet really fallen into that mess. But I’m sure it’ll be a wild ride when it happens! lol

For more info, please visit:
www.gwenlaroka.com
www.youtube.com/GwenLaRoka
www.facebook.com/GwenLaRoka
www.twitter.com/GwenLaRoka

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• Community Spotlight: Kat Fitzgerald
• Jackie Rada – Chicago’s Piano Woman and so much more
• Community Spotlight: Sandy, Tamara, and Tara from B.BLYSS!

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Dawn: My mom is very accepting and loving, and taught me how important it is to care for family. She took care of my grandmother for years and made sure her final years were as joyful as possible. She deserves a happy and relaxing Mother’s Day!

Lauren: Like most women, when the time comes to sit down and reflect on your mother, it is as though you could write an entire series of books on everything from the lessons she taught you to your evolving relationship. If there was one single quality that my mother, Dawn, taught me, it is that of strength. Being raised to be a strong woman BY a strong woman is a very long and humbling lesson. A woman who has always been there to help me when I am down, she teaches me how to bring myself back up- and will always know the right buttons to push to get me there. My mom has always supported my decisions and passions, no matter how crazy they may seem- she believes in me when it is sometimes hard to believe in myself. I am so incredibly proud of my mom, and I don’t think a lot of us remember to say that often enough. I may not be a 7 year old making you breakfast in bed this morning, but you are the one and only woman on my mind today- here’s to you ma!

Lisa: One of the best things about my mom is that she has always been supportive of everything that I do. She also has a pretty great laugh that always puts me in a better mood. My mom is quite a bit older too, which means that I don’t get emails from her. I get hand written letters, cards, newspaper clippings and photos sent to me often which is really nice. She also has been really supportive of The L Stop, even though she doesn’t quite understand technology and exactly what we are doing with the site. But she checks in often and asks how my “magazine” is doing.

Casey: No matter how different I am, she reminds me that I’m worth something and never ever should I take crap from anyone.

Tina: There’s so much about my mom that I appreciate, love, and miss that it’s hard to even put into words. As a single mom, she worked many overtime hours, but she still managed to come to every athletic event, concert, or extra-curricular activity. She taught me how to keep an open mind. She also taught me how to ‘take no shit from no one’! She challenged gender roles by being among the first women to earn an expert marksman while firing a gun in the army (her plaque is still in Fort Knox!). She passed this on to me, causing me to call my grandpa a sexist when I was 9 years old. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss my mom, and Mother’s day is a bitter-sweet reminder of how much I appreciated her. RIP Renée, 2007 (she was only 49 years young).

Vivian: What I love about my mom the most is her strength. Being a single mom, she worked three jobs to support me and my sister. When times got tough, she just worked harder and made ends meet no matter what. My mom is my hero.

Karen: I can never thank my mom enough for all the love, patience and guidance she gave me. Widowed with five children at the age of 35, my mother raised us by herself. Aside from teaching me how to cook and how to manage a household, I think two of the greatest things she taught me are how to be completely independent, and to always be mindful of those less fortunate. A stubborn but kind and generous woman with a great laugh and sense of humor, I loved to make her laugh. I miss that most of all. I am grateful to have had Mom for nearly 48 years. Tomorrow she would have been 84. Rest in peace my dear mother Kathryn, and thank you for bringing me life and joy. ♥

You May Also Like:

• Letter from a Lesbian’s Dad
• Silent Treatment
• A Reeling Film Fest Gem

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Remember, pay attention to what your body is telling you and don’t overexert yourself – that is the easiest way to make yourself quit. That being said, crack that whip and challenge yourself! If you know you can go harder there is no reason for you to slack off. This is your time and you need to make the most of it.

Alright my friends, this week we start with a 5 minute walking warm-up followed by two sets of the following intervals: 90 second jog, 90 second walk, 3 minute jog, 3 minute walk. You got that? We’re doing it twice and hell to the yes you will DO IT!

C25K - Week 3 (right click, save as)

This Week’s Music Comes From:

Noah and the Whale – Life Is Life (Yuksek Remix)

Magic Fountain – TOA (New Wave Acid Remix)

Kerli – Army of Love (Wawa Remix Radio Edit)

No Surrender – Young World

Boots Electric — Boots Electric Theme

Santigold – L.E.S. Artistes

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• Jackie Rada – Chicago’s Piano Woman and so much more
• Couch to 5K Podcast Week 2
• The Next Girl You Should Already Love: Anais Mitchell

Back to blog

Thanks Rachel W

Hiya poon-tangers!

Christ almighty, it’s been busy around here.

This past Sunday, after three years of work…CJ graduated from her masters program.

Thanks Christian C

She’s had a big thesis show up for several weeks.
Her whole family was in town, and we had people here every weekend.

Now, between you and me, this CJ-graduating scenario is a really, really good thing, ’cause it was staaaaaarting to feel a bit like I was dating a warm ghost.

thanks Shushu A.J.

Troof – for the last year here in Chicago, I was making friends – good friends! people I hung out with on a regular basis! – who didn’t actually quite, um,  believe in CJ.

And why should they have?

via osito

CJ never came out with us. She could never go dancing. She never made it to Sunday brunch.

She resided on another plane of existence altogether, in a magical fairyland called “Skewl“, where she worked 22 hours a day in the capital city of “Mystudio.”

Thanks Rose S.

The commute back to Earth meant she had a hard time making it to dinner.

CJ was basically a myth, like giant alligators in the sewers or your buddy’s “girlfriend at summer camp.”

If you saw her at all, it was considered quite lucky – it was said you could make a wish on her if you caught her and quickly huffed the printer’s ink under her nails.

Sure I had a girlfriend.

Riiiiiight.

Coming directly from her studio, CJ would slide into bed with me around midnight or 1 a.m., when I was fast asleep, and rise silently at 4 a.m., grinding coffee in the bathroom with a towel wrapped around the grinder to muffle the sound.

Then she’d snuggle briefly with me, tap on her laptop at the kitchen table for awhile, and then slip out my door like a cat, heading back to the studio before 6 a.m.

Thanks Amy

In this last month leading up to her thesis show, she didn’t sleep at all, ever, and I had to teach her about the miracles of blush so she would look more human-ish in color and less like she was going to suck out people’s souls on the train.

I’ve been doing all sorts of CJ-graduating-related things, and family-type things, and writing-type things, and out of nowhere, I’m suddenly finding it hard to balance all my writing projects at once.

It’s great – I write full-time during the day for my job at Groupon, and I’m a staff writer at Rookie magazine, and…. then there’s my one true love, this gayass mess.

Thanks Sarah H

But in April, I got overzealous and pitched one too many article ideas for Rookie and spent every night after work (where I write all day) coming directly home and writing some more.

There’s been Red Bull in the fridge for quite some time.

And suddenly it’s all over.

I turned in my last article for this month’s Rookie issue and CJ walked across the graduation stage, cute lil’ tassel swinging and very, very strange, Hogwarts-ish hood wrapped around her neck.

(No one told me about the weird medieval outfits you wear at higher-education ceremonies. Deeply creepy, y’all.)

I just – I can’t believe she’s finished with grad school.

The whole reason we moved to Chicago – over!
Just like that!

And you know what?

Lil’ Miss CJ may be graduated, but you have…..

A POP GAYDAR QUIZ!!!!!!

Ohhhh, so you thought no one would notice if you weren’t keeping up with the readings for class, eh?

Everybody close your books and put them under your desk.

Take out a No. 2 pencil and a sheet of paper.

via averydoll

This quiz will count as 92% of your LadyFag 1001 class grade.

(The other 8% of your grade will come from knowledge of the hot members of the U.S. Womens soccer team and a detailed, hand-drawn diagram of how you’re six dykes away from having slept with Shane.)

You have five minutes. Begin.

—————————————————————————————————
This is Kate.

Thanks Kate Z

Kate likes girls.

Kate wants to dress in a way that screams, “I eat pussy!” to everyone around her.

Using your gaydar knowledge and experience of society’s stereotypes about lesbians, help Kate (who is not a high femme) go shopping.

#1: Find the stereotypical lesbian boots.

#2: Find the stereotypical lesbian purse.

#3: Which keychain likely belongs to a queer woman?

#4: Point to the jacket most likely to hang in a gayelle’s closet.

#5: Final, Most Important Question:

WHAT DO ALL OF THESE ITEMS HAVE IN COMMON?
———————————————-
OK pencils down!

Well! That wasn’t so bad, right?
At least up until the last question?

You knew most of  the answers up ’til then, didn’t you?

You clever mo!  You get a beer for your efforts!

Thanks again Kate Z

Here are the answers:

#1: A

#2: Trick question! Most dykes hate carrying purses.
However, they dooooo like messenger bags if they haaaaave to carry stuff, so the correct answer here would be C.

#3: B

#4: A  (But the jackets are debatable, as all bets are off when it’s fucking freezing out.)

Well done!

Thanks Anna R. Hi!!!!!!!

Now, how ’bout the last, most important question?

WHAT DO ALL OF THE ITEMS HAVE IN COMMON?

Hahahaha well.

That’s simple.

For real.

Get it, mos? That’s the answer!

Simplicity! and Functionality!

I have a new theory, and it amasses lots of stereotypes about lesbians into one big gaydar clump:

Lesbians, as a totally generalized group, like things that are easy to put on, designed to be functional, and uncomplicated.

Thanks Courtney T

Wasn’t that a simple, sweeping statement?

Don’t tear into me, faggettes, it’s just a hypothesis at this point!!

Here’s why I’ve been thinking about this lately, mos:

The other day, I was waiting for the Red Line train on the Belmont El platform, and the train wasn’t coming for 11 more minutes, and my phone had died in the middle of a tense Doodle Jump game, so I was pacing around and playing Spot the Ghey. (Which is not exactly hard at the Belmont stop – that’s the Chicago Boystown stop, aka the Gayborhood.)

It was so easy – there were tons of dykes waiting for the train.

Thanks Emily

Dykes coming home from work, dykes heading up north to go to night classes at Loyola, dykes flooding (accident but it stays) the platform, getting on and getting off (hah!) to go to the clubs in Boystown.

Spot the Ghey wasn’t even offering a challenge.
Pffffh.

As I leaned against a metal pillar on the El platform, idly looking at a perfect specimen of boi-ish cuteness standing across the tracks, I wondered:

What is it about her that makes me think she’s queer?

Via pleaseexcusemyqueerness

I mean, tons of straight girls have cute short haircuts, just like lots of lesbians do.

And tons of straight girls like to wear the exact same things – the same bags, shoes, shirts, and hats – as we queermosexuals do.

Why did I think – nay, feel nearly certain – that this girl was a lezzer?

Thanks Sarah H

The train was coming.  Suddenly, her friends came clattering up the stairs to join her.

A little pack of four girls in their 20s, all of them looking soooooo gay.

But WHY?

Why did I think they ‘looked gay’?  What did that even mean?

Thanks Elle R

In the moments before they stepped onto the train, I quickly scanned them – there had to be a clue; some connecting fiber that winds us lesbians together in a strong stylistic way that straight people don’t always see.

Like a graceful and sophisticated spider that can walk on its own web strands without getting stuck – only it knows which strands are smooth silk and which strands are sticky death to step on – I wanted to learn the secrets of style gaydar.

So I checked out the group’s shoes:
varied flat soles; sneakers and boots.

I looked at their hair:  short and long styles.
No help there.

I looked at their shirts and glanced at their bags and puzzled and puzzled AND AS THE TRAIN LEFT THE STATION IT FUCKING HIT ME:

Simplicity.

The thing all their styles had in common was functionality and simplicity.

Merci, Elise and Erin

While their shoes had of course been completely different, all shoes had been members of the Highly Functional Footwear club.

There were no little doodads on the toes of their shoes; there were no extreme decorations or complicated boots to be seen.

Fussy Mary Jane sneakers with sparkly elastic straps? No.

Cutesy furry boots with lil’ pom pom tassels?
Na-uh.

I mean, people have been joking about “lesbian shoes” – Earth shoes, clogs, Crocs, Birkenstocks – since the dawn of minge-munching, but really:

what do all those shoes have in common?

I’ll tell you.

They are extremely functional shoes.

Die Keen Sandals Die

But the girls at the train stop weren’t wearing classic “lesbian shoes”; those girls looked stylish as hell, with an underlying sort of… sturdyishness about their outfits that made me suspect they could easily outrun someone chasing them.

Thanks Aimme

Hmm.
Was it just that I thought these lesbians had a tomboyish quality?
Was that what was setting off my gaydar?

Couldn’t be.
‘Cause there are boatloads of femme dykes in the world.

Thanks! Raquel via sugarcoatedrenegade

I thought and thought.

The bags the group sported were of the haul-shit variety – one messenger bag and one backpack.

Via ChromeBagLove

No leather purses dangling with tassels and hardware.

There were no bags in sight that could possibly be called “adorable.“

Functional bags.

Everyone’s hair was even functional, in its own way.

Rumply and short or curly and wild – it looked like every one of those girls could have gotten out of bed and been ready to go in 10 minutes or less.

Thanks Alyssa

[thanks Alyssa]

No matter if it was true or not, that’s how it looked.

Functionality and simplicity appeared to be the hallmark of this group of supposed-dykes I was studying so hard.

And now that I’ve noticed it, I’m kiiiinda startin’ to see it everywhere.

Thanks Isabella C

I was just at FKA, a monthly queer dance party here in Chicago, scanning the room, and…the outfits!

There were so many casually perfect, simple outfits!

A girl who looked particularly good was wearing a holey, drapey tank top (no bra, thank you jeebus fuck I love summer), a pair of tight, paint-splattered green pants, and these kicker army boots.

Via JF

Plugs in her ears, two or three big, visible tattoos, annnnnd she was done.
Her shoulders gleamed with sweat.
I loved her.

What did she – just finish having sex, throw her clothes on in the dark, and come straight to the dance?

And did she want to have more later?

The flat boots allowed her to move.
The shirt-and-pants-and-that’s-it outfit screamed functionality.
You get what you get and that’s all.

And really, boobs are their own decoration.

via tumatwat

You sluts snorting with derision at my hypothesis?

Alright: think about any straight bar on a Saturday night.

What do most of the women look like when they’re “dressed to go out”?

The hair!
The makeup!
The tight short dresses with the shoes so high you hafta hobble!

Uselessly-little purses that match, excess zippers everywhere, sequins on t-shirts, buttons that are just for decoration, subtle highlights, fake tans, Spanx, shimmery body lotion.

Stuff that hollers: “I’M A GIRL! I LIKE THINGS MARKETED EXCLUSIVELY TO GIRLS!”

Jeeyoo and Her Pink Things via jeongmeeyoon

It’s a lot.

(Plenty of stylish straight women don’t do any of that shit, but there are enough that do to fill bars the world over.)

Of course, we have also have high femmes in the lesbian community (I am one, haaaay), but…it feels different, somehow.

It doesn’t usually look forced – maybe because femmes are looking at what Cosmo wants them to wear, listening to what some of their queer sisters want them to wear, and then saying “fuckit” and consciously choosing their sexy, even if it causes them to often go unrecognized among their own queer community.

Thanks Sarah C

They just don’t see ma ghey.

But they do see me in a fuzzy red angora sweater decorated with a sparkly rhinestone pin.

What I’m saying is: this post isn’t really about femmestyle.

But go anywhere that lots of lesbians are, and you start to see a clothing pattern that encompasses most dyke styles:

Functionality.

Simplicity.

Thanks Jes B

That’s why we like carabiner keychains.

That’s why we stereotypically gravitate towards, um, moisture-wicking outer layers.

Look at Court and Lauren in the great outdoors. So functional!

Excess decoration?
We, as a people (‘cept for femmes), seem to abhor it.

I hypothesize that lesbians, as a vast, stereotypical group, don’t like ruffles, or bobbles, or visible foundation, or clothing we can’t move in.

We’re actually kind of rude about anyone who does like it.

Thanks Sarah by Mallory

Now, for real, y’allfags – I understand that not all dykes like functionality for their look.

I most certainly do not have all functional shoes.

Oh haaaay $400 Frye boots. Do you wanna hang out?

And I’m not saying you’re not gay (how could anyone definitively say you’re not gay? And why would you listen?) if you glory in extreme eye makeup or take longer than 15 minutes with your hair.

thanks Maria K. from blackshimmer

God no.

I am proposing a vast, sweeping theory to add to the lesbian gaydar collective.

And while I know there are plenty of homogirls who love nothing more than to put on a hundred accessories before going out, look in the mirror, and put on juuuuust one more….

Thanks DrawingPicturesOfYou

that’s not most of the lezzers I see around every day.

Think of some of the queers you know – do they gravitate towards flat, comfy shoes?

Do they tend to wear straightforward outfits, like hoodies, t-shirts, and pants with pockets?

Thanks Jenny

In your daily life, do you see a lot of lesbians wearing shirts with complicated straps, or with long-ass talon-nails, or sporting ridiculous fucking headbands on a Tuesday morning?

No.  Those things are not functional or simple.

They are in. the. way.

Do you know what I mean, faggettes?

Am I just seeing things?

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• Big Love in a Queer Life
• A Stiff Upper Lip
• A Trans Dyke on Passing and Unwanted Privilege

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Where were you born? Tell a little about your family…

I was born on Easter weekend, April 2, 1983, in the village of Evergreen Park, IL. I am pretty much as suburban as suburban can be. After a short stint in Taunton, MA for 3 years, I moved back to Naperville until I was a freshman in high school. I then vacationed in Birmingham, AL for 6 months before returning to Naperthrill. I continued my undergrad studies at Boston College and my graduate studies at Tufts University… both in Boston. My MA is in Musicology… I don’t even know what that means.

My parents are Chicago Italian and Polish. If you’re from Chicago, you know what that means. I have no idea how they created me and my brother. Yes, I have an older brother whom I refer to as “Rob the Robot Rada.” He is 30, and we look like twins.

My dad makes me go to a lot of James Taylor concerts. I am more of a Carole King fan…

My dad also loves the Moody Blues, yet claims he never did acid.

My mom has informed me that the next time Rob Thomas is in town, we HAVE to go. Being the good daughter that I am, I will take her. I mean, I did buy her a Nickelback album for Christmas.

How did you become interested in music – piano??

It all started in my mom’s Honda Accord. She would blast Bette Midler’s “Do You Want To Dance,” and I would be in charge of shifting the gears. We used Twizzlers as microphones. Wait, if I think back even further… maybe it started in my car seat when I played a fake piano to Elton John’s “Candle In The Wind.” I remember going to see Elton John in concert as a child, and the traffic was so bad, my mom and I got out of the car and began running to the venue so we didn’t miss him! Of course, we made my dad and brother sit in traffic. So basically, I became interested in music because of cars and family. Hmmm. I remember taking a road trip to Lake Geneva with my family (aunt, cousin, grandmother included). I don’t know who was in the van, but we all ended up belting Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” at the top of our lungs. Trust me, my grandmother does not have a great voice.

I love that I credit my mom’s side of the family with getting me interested in music, considering my dad’s side actually comes from a long line of jazz musicians in the Chicago area. I mean, this is my relative:

http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2008-08-29/news/0808281565_1_big-band-aragon-ballroom-swing-music

And my grandmother still, in her 80’s, performs musicals over at Carillon (an old people’s community). She was a church organist and always sang in the choir.

But no, I will credit the Twizzlers as the reason I became interested in music.

The piano came in first grade…we had a giant bay window in the living room and my parents (probably my mom) thought a baby grand would look perfect there. I was naturally drawn to the instrument because, well, I was good at an early age and I could win competitions. The first song I ever played at a piano competition was “The Little Caballero.” I don’t know why I remember this.

Creative influences and what makes them so?

In elementary school, I wrote that Andrew Lloyd Weber was my hero. Then, I realized he was actually a thief from the great opera composers. But now, I realize again that this is just pure brilliance (this is both a sarcastic and realistic answer). We hear what we like, we mimic, and then we expand into our own identity. I think my creative style must have developed from some Ben Folds, considering I’ve seen him perform a lot – he creates a lot of boisterous sounds, is technically correct, and has a crap load of fun. I grew up with pop and rock, but I am definitely classically trained. I won’t pretend that jazz is my creative influence… because it’s not. It’s a completely different language.

I have a different creative influence every week, because I have music ADD. It’s a self-diagnosed disorder. As of lately, my biggest creative influence has been whiskey…. I feel as though I want to play in the style of taking a shot of whiskey. When I get back on my classical kick, I’ll think of a different creative influence. Maybe Liberace?

Describe your dream job/gig…..

If you had asked me two years ago, I would have told you that I want to be a Professor of the History of Rock n’ Roll. I wanted people to call me Dr. Rada. I have my MA in Musicology with a concentration in Popular Music Studies. Doesn’t this make me sound cool? My thesis is about women who cover music originally written and performed by men and how the female performers appropriate the personal narrative. Yes, I have played piano my whole life. While studying at Tufts, I was still performing Shostakovich with the Tufts Chamber Music Ensemble privately studying with my piano teacher. However, I wanted to pursue a doctorate and live in academics forever. Then I moved to Chicago.

After watching the past couple episodes of Smash, I remember my dream job from college. I always wanted to write musicals! In fact, when I was a little buzzed in NYC the other weekend, I am pretty sure I sent numerous texts to people about the musical I am about to create. If not musical theater though – I would be scoring films. I’d go over the top, super dramatic, overly emotional… the kind of score you hear on Law and Order SVU. And you know what? I’d love every minute of it.

Dream gig? Just put me at a piano next to Norah Jones, and we’ll be all set

How did you get Girlband going? What is the chemistry/dynamic like working with an all girl group?

My cover band career started by chance. I had a skill… I needed a job… I ventured into a newfound territory that no other city can claim. I mean, really. Where else can someone make a living jumping from cover band to cover band? Along the way, I met some really talented musicians. Keep in mind, I am still young and always learning the ropes of this scene. However, once I met Maggie Mitchell, I realized immediately, “We must collaborate!!” I had met Janet a while ago in a different band and upon meeting her, claimed her as my drummer for all eternity. When you know good musicians, they naturally know other talented musicians and… therefore… come along with the package. Janet introduced us to Sheela, the always smiling, badass bassist. We joke that Girlband originated from my MA thesis. I have always been obsessed with studying women in music (I have a particular fondness for the 90’s). Maggie and I were on the same wavelength, and with her knowledge of event planning, a band was formed. We sat at Pick Me Up Café the first night for about 17 hours, planning out the possibilities of Girlband. Our mission is to accentuate the musicianship first.

There is a crap load of diverse talent bundled into our little group. And diversity was key – we’ve got a punk background, a Latin background, a classical background, a pop background, a Brazilian background. The important thing that I did want to stress about the “girl band” idea was, above all, that we came together as musicians first. This band was built around musicians that I respect… musically and personally.

How can the chemistry of an all girl band not be AMAZING? As I mentioned before, the “all girl” aspect is secondary to the musicianship. All of our members are performing with other bands. Not only are they performing with other bands, but they’re rocking the shit out of other bands. I have been on stage with Kimi Hayes at plenty of weddings when she rips out a Guns n’ Roses solo for the drunkards. The crowd is always in awe.

Maybe the biggest difference is that we all help each other carry our gear. It’s definitely more of a group effort

Emily Hoskins Photography

How did you meet Grisafe and when did you start playing together?

I met Sami years ago at a little known place called The Closet. We started playing together in September when I was called into the recording studio for “I Hate Tommy Finch.” I thought it would be just a few sessions, and then we would part ways. Little did I know the massive project we were about to create! Now we have an album (soon to be released), we just returned from performances in Austin, Nashville and NYC, and we’ll be opening for Chely Wright at Backlot Bash. I think this was Sami’s plan all along… she had intended to kidnap me. She’s lucky I like her.

Do you have a favorite song or performer?

I have about 52 thousand favorite songs and performers. To me, Ryan Adams is God. How the hell do I pick my favorite? I can take my “Heartbreaker” album, give it a spin, lie on the floor, stare into space, and live in blissful peace for hours. “Come Pick Me Up” would probably be my favorite on the album, but I definitely have a thing for songs with swear words.

My favorite classical piece that I have performed would be Chopin’s Ballade in G Minor. This was the big “showstopper” for my senior recital in college. It took me a year of living in practice rooms before I could conquer this story. And yes, a ballade is a story… a tale of tragedy, hope, joy, and just crazy circus shit all in 12 intense minutes. Each time I came out of the practice room for 2-3 hours, I felt like I had just come back from a war with myself and the piano.

Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?

In five years, I would love to turn my teaching business (Piano By Jaclyn, Inc.) into a music school that I run… but not just any music school. I want a school that incorporates chamber music. I LOVE chamber music. I want to get children excited about little classical ensembles by electrifying them! An electric violin here, an electric cello there… it’s Shostakovich like you’ve never heard it before. Let’s get these kids to rock out some Beethoven! Basically, in five years, I see “Piano by Jaclyn” creating a school that infuses pop and classical into the youth.

Of course, this will coincide with a very successful gigging schedule for Girlband, as we continue to bring new interpretations to the greatest hits of your favorite female performers.

And in 5 years, I will have already come back from a world tour with Sami Grisafe. Don’t worry, we will have met Norah Jones along the way. I’ll have a new song coming out that I co-wrote with Norah and Ryan. It’s entitled “Whiskey Livin’”.

What are some of your upcoming shows?

May 19th is a HUGE show at the Elbo Room! Kelsey Montanez at 9 pm, Girlband at 10 pm, and Sami Grisafe at 11 pm. $10… produced by Vicious Muse, Inc.

May 24th – Who Knew (another cover band!) @ McGee’s (10 pm)

June 22nd – Sami Grisafe opens for Chely Wright @ Backlot Bash (8 pm)

June 23rd – Girlband @ Backlot Bash (4 pm)

June 27th – Girlband @ Cubby Bear (10 pm)

Jackie Rada just brings good vibes into the room – with the talent, energy and artistic inspiration that a dreamer girl like me can only envy. She has this vision and sense of humor that make her impossible to ignore. I think the following quote from Jackie says a lot. “I never want to be better than anyone I am onstage with. I want to collaborate and create awesomeness! I want to be inspired. I want to lose myself at moments because I am so in awe of what’s going on by those around me.” – See what I mean?? Take some time to make some time to see Jackie and her friends playing music around Chicago this summer – you will be glad you did.

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