Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. – Martin Luther King Jr.
It was days before I could eat again. My heart rate still irregular throughout the week. There is a pause in my thought process that has not yet been named and an unexplained darkness that shadows my waking moments.
She deserved to win. We deserved for her to win. If truth and justice and the American Way actually meant something to the ignorant reality TV zombies who elected the other guy, if they could actually collectively understand the concept – she would have won. They would have known truth from fiction and love from hate. They would have understood the global picture and worked towards progressive change fairly and honestly. The dumbing down of America is no longer simply a hashtag – it is what defines who we have become. America has become everything that America was never supposed to be. And I hang my head to quiet the voices that moan and scream tormented by all that we have allowed to happen to us.
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. – Martin Luther King Jr.
I hear the voices taunting us. The bullies lined up at their keyboards safely behind the barriers of anonymity. A place where truth is anything we say it is regardless of whether it is or not. Time and life and experiences and facts mean nothing in this new world. We have no debates, no discussions no meeting of the minds. The minds who have elected this shell of a man to the highest office in the land are tainted, diseased and simple. There is no outpouring of empathy for the sick, hope for the underserved or equality for the disenfranchised. There is nothing but a vast whiteness of male privilege and entitlement empowered by lies, propaganda and Republican rhetoric.
My words are meaningless as they fall on the page. They only help me to release my fears and disgust out into the world. My fear of who we are as a nation and what we might do to the world. My disgust with our fellow Americans who can see no further than their own front porch and feel empowered to punish anyone who does not look, live and love the same as they do.
I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear. – Martin Luther King Jr.
It was as if we were having this amazing party. Everyone was dancing and laughing and sharing stories and sipping wine from the same glass. It was such a good party. The band was playing and we all knew all the words to every song – and if we didn’t know the words we tried to learn them – or we faked it with a smile. We were all planning all of our tomorrows with hope and love and kindness. We had come so far, so many labels had been lifted, and so many opportunities afforded, so much real possibility for a better and fairer world. The room was just so beautiful. We were all so hopeful. So certain that love would indeed trump hate.
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. – Martin Luther King Jr.
Then the bomb went off. The music stopped. Shock. Disbelief. Anger. Fear. A truth I am not yet prepared to call my own. This cannot be our destiny. Can it? My mind will not wrap itself around this twisted reality. Never a sore loser – I am not the loser here – but an innocent bystander who knows better and can’t swallow this bitter pill of ignorance and the outcome it has left me with. I stagger directionless towards nothingness as all the ugliness in our world crawls towards me and I don’t know what to do. My heart is broken and I don’t know what to do.
Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase. – Martin Luther King Jr.
Days will pass. Super moons will rise and glow magically above our pitiful country reminding me of possibility – no matter how much I so do not want to be reminded. Being reminded means I have to live again, breath again and therefore fight again. Being reminded means I have to hope again, wish again and learn to forgive again. We awake and walk slowly past this crazy reality and we prepare – again – to have our voices matter. We regroup. We stand strong. And even though we are weary – weary is what we are – so fucking weary of the ignorance. We stumble forward – ever forward to plant more seeds of justice and tend to the gardens of opportunity for all of us. We are many – and we are good and we are united in hope. That fucking thing called hope – let it carry us into tomorrow so that we can begin again.
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. – Martin Luther King Jr.
About K. Guzman
Kathy grew up all over the US - lots of east coast time. She is a surfer girl with an unabridged curiosity. A woman whose mid life awakening continues to bring her to the place she was meant to be. Her degree in Journalism/Creative Writing from the University of Central Florida is being yanked from the archives and put to good use. Her two kids are grown and rock stars in this wild world – her Harley is ready for some serious summer miles – and her heart remains open to life, women and the possibilities each day brings.