Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, no matter how hard we work, no matter how righteous our intentions – we will surely disappoint others. There will always be the blamers and the seekers and the players – and sometimes – when our hearts are open and our compassion overflowing – sometimes – someone will take the good you do and turn it inside out – simply to feed their ego- which cannot be tamed.
My parents taught me to be kind. They taught me to share my Easter candy even though I knew good and well I could handle it all by myself. Moving from town to town and going to 8 different schools in 12 years taught me to be open minded, adaptable and patient. Waiting for someone to notice that the new kid was not just someone to be tormented and teased but someone who could throw the ball on a fly from center field to home plate and could ride a wheelie down the middle of the street until the street was no more. Life has taught me to be compassionate. Life has taught me that nothing is ever certain. Life has taught me to love and accept myself and by so doing – life has given me peace and many blessings.
Someone told me that it was inevitable that in a room full of women, and, they said, especially lesbians – there would be drama – fires started – power struggles – and the old stand by – cattiness. I refuse to believe it. I will not accept it. Life is not about what has always been – it is not about all that surrounds us – life is about creating the history that will follow us. Life is about the very real responsibility we all have to make this world a BETTER place – to simply work our magic through kindness and acceptance and by so doing – make this world a better place.
My sweet friend Peanut told me once, “The only thing we can control is ourselves. Not all of us were meant to get along. It would really be boring if we were all the same”. I don’t know why we sometimes want the impossible. Why I still believe in a place like Guz Island – where sun shines and waves crash – laughter ensues and kindness rules. A place where perception can somehow err on the side of good intentions and taking care of others mattered more than being the keeper of the one gold ring. A land where schedules were meant to be broken and promises taught to be kept. Where everyone knew the same truth and accepted peace as more than just a possibility. I don’t know why we sometimes want the impossible……
There will be tomorrows that I will never see. And I am at peace with that. There will be women who will want to take me from myself and mix me into their unsolicited dramas and there will be women who will treasure what little something I might bring to their lives. And I am at peace with that as well. In the end of all things, just like Peanut said – I must accept whatever comes my way – the good and the bad – never compromising the person I truly am. Every good fire eventually ends in a dance of smoke and air – just the way it is – and I am at peace with that too.
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About K. Guzman
Kathy grew up all over the US - lots of east coast time. She is a surfer girl with an unabridged curiosity. A woman whose mid life awakening continues to bring her to the place she was meant to be. Her degree in Journalism/Creative Writing from the University of Central Florida is being yanked from the archives and put to good use. Her two kids are grown and rock stars in this wild world – her Harley is ready for some serious summer miles – and her heart remains open to life, women and the possibilities each day brings.