Hopefully there comes a time in everyone’s life when we decide we simply are not going to settle for less than all we truly deserve. We will be loved as we love and be seen as we see. We will look in the mirror and with directed certainty tell ourselves that we are better than this – that we won’t allow it anymore – that somehow – someway – we will find a way to have the peaceful and rewarding life that we were destined to live.
It eventually will become time to drop the drama and stifle the sarcasm and simply ride the wave to an authentic shore of clarity – knowing full and well there is good stuff just waiting there for us. There must come a time when we hear a lie for a lie and don’t try to sugar coat it into something different. When we recognize the good and identify the bad – when we know the difference between acid rain and a sweet summer shower – and actually take ourselves away from the toxicity that will surely mess with the magnificent mojo we were all born to express. Our truth lies so close to our perception and our spirit dances so freely inside of our ever trusting hearts – that we will find ourselves taken in every now and then – believing in something that is not real at all. It happens to all of us – just the way it is.
We are taken in by crazy love – we are taken in by lies. We are taken in by hopes and dreams and greed and manipulation. We are taken in by circumstance and happenstance and (when she’s really good) some fucked up make believe romance. We are taken in because we lack some certainty of our own. Our balance is off – we need a light – no matter how artificial – to remove the darkness from our days. We fool ourselves through fear and false hope. We forget our beauty and our fortitude – our uniqueness and our certainty – and we fall inside a place we never really belonged in the first place. When we are inside – we can’t see it at all. Blinded by the matrix of all we never even really wanted – and wound up so tight inside of it that we fail to find a reason to get out and really live again. We stay in our dysfunctional playground and live a substandard, hypocritical, half joke of an existence – because something inside of us is broken – something we may not even be able to name.
When truth comes to shove and our souls climb out of the mess we created – we will replace those paperbacks with hard bound leather lined gold leafed mother fucking novels. We will understand the value of integrity and we will value the face of truth. What once was love in our misguided hearts will clearly be identified as something less – and in that process of naming what was not what it seemed – we will find ourselves again. We will step away from the mean ass carny clowns and stand with the poets and the dreamers in a kinder more certain kind of world. We really will….
We have all been there. Misled. Misguided. Mistreated. Misunderstood. We have all been there –at some point or another. We have all believed in something that simply was not true. But in the process of this life we live – in the time we spend and waste and treasure and discover – we are capable of great things and crystal clear vision. We are blessed with the ability to grow and change and evolve. We are born instinctively knowing how to rescue ourselves from what hurts us – and it is only in our confused and damaged state that we hesitate to do so.
So when we see clearly – when we are kind to ourselves – when we are honest with ourselves – when we listen to the voice deep inside – we let go of the weary old destructive ways and we bring in the new and we begin to heal. And in the light of a new day – with clarity in our eyes and an ever open heart – we face the warmth of the sun and we try, try, try again.
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About K. Guzman
Kathy grew up all over the US - lots of east coast time. She is a surfer girl with an unabridged curiosity. A woman whose mid life awakening continues to bring her to the place she was meant to be. Her degree in Journalism/Creative Writing from the University of Central Florida is being yanked from the archives and put to good use. Her two kids are grown and rock stars in this wild world – her Harley is ready for some serious summer miles – and her heart remains open to life, women and the possibilities each day brings.