Sometimes we believe in the fairytale. We don’t really want Santa to know if we’ve been naughty or nice – but we do want to believe in all the magic he holds. Tink is really real and those Lost Boys will never grow old in Neverland. Sometimes we need to believe that the rainbows lead to pots of gold and there are no calories when the chocolate has strawberries inside. Sometimes we just need to believe.
The difference between believing in something magical and deceiving ourselves is a very fine and often impossible line. More often than not the reality that pops our little pink bubble is the reality someone else places in our path. The distraction or belief in something that takes us outside of ourselves – if only for a moment – can have life altering effects that take and turn our happy little fable into something very different. The child like faith it takes to live a life of kindness and truth and happily ever after is a faith that is a bitch to hold onto in the light of grown up days.
One two buckle my shoe – three four give me more – sounds like the way the selfish hearts recite the simplest of rhymes. Take and turn the good into something less than all it most certainly is. Can it be perception that makes a heart grow cold and manipulative in this world? Why do people say words that have no meaning and turn meaningful words into misunderstood gibberish? What takes an innocent, open minded, imaginative child and turns them into non believers? And what makes a keeper of faith a gullible target to those who have lost their way on the path of integrity in this short life? Five six pick up sticks – seven eight twist of fate.
We can’t stop believing in the wonderful world of make believe. Sometimes I can’t help but deviate and consider that it might all be so much simpler if we could just be the bad ass fucked up witch of a woman who cares more about ourselves than our friends and family. Wouldn’t it be a more interesting parade if we knew how to manipulate and hesitate – procrastinate and incubate the decency we try to live our lives with? Surely those who cannot feel passion for others must not feel the pain of disenchantment the way us believers do – right? There are times I can’t stop living on the edge of it all and wishing like hell I knew another way to be.
I sometimes feel that I roam this world in a little glass snow globe of tra-la-la’s and goody goody gumdrops. I stubbornly continue to believe in happily ever after and being kind to the new kid in town. I say what I mean and mean what I say – no matter who might misunderstand me. Glinda the Good will always win over the striped socks under the house in Munchkin Land in my silly little world. I know people will be people and we have to learn to accept the unacceptable behaviors of others from time to time. I know. There is no perfect. My big old Irish head bursts with the knowledge that the world will always know trouble and harbor non believers that pollute our once upon a times – and there is not a damn thing that all the magic in the world can do about it.
And in the end of all this contemplation and suffocation of reason – I am still certain that sometimes we do find the penny heads up in a sea of broken glass – and the turning tides will never convince me otherwise. I believe in impossible possibilities – and there is no big bad wolf out there that will ever take my happily ever after from me.
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About K. Guzman
Kathy grew up all over the US - lots of east coast time. She is a surfer girl with an unabridged curiosity. A woman whose mid life awakening continues to bring her to the place she was meant to be. Her degree in Journalism/Creative Writing from the University of Central Florida is being yanked from the archives and put to good use. Her two kids are grown and rock stars in this wild world – her Harley is ready for some serious summer miles – and her heart remains open to life, women and the possibilities each day brings.