I’ve only been single a short while compared to the years I’ve been in committed relationships. Fortunately, I’m way over the depressing “boohoo I’m alone and lonely” phase and very much into the “hey, this ain’t so bad” part. I’m not saying that one is better than the other. All I’m suggesting is that one should appreciate the time in whichever situation you find yourself. I’ll admit that, for the first 2 years that I was single, I was miserable. In retrospect, however, it was simply because I had never lived alone since I was born. I went from living with my parents to living with my second girlfriend and then my third, my fourth and my fifth. So of course coming home to no one but my devoted dog was different and dreadful and took a while getting used to.
After a few years of riding solo, I’ve learned from my experiences that being single is a process and an integral part of evolving into your true YOU!
That said, the REAL reason I’m writing this list is because frankly I’m INCREDIBLY over people asking me “Why are you still single?” with this pathetic “Aw, I feel so sorry for you!” or “So, what’s wrong with you?” look. Really?! First of all, that’s a RUDE question, period! Especially when you’re asking it at a bar surrounded by people and blaring music. Secondly, what part of me is telling you I’m not ok with it? Lastly, why make it sound like it’s a horrible “condition?” Worse yet, like there must be something wrong with me because otherwise I’d have a partner attached at my hip?
Here’s another thought for you. In this day and age, we are womyn, (born or gender identified); empowered beings with choices and the right to have them. Therefore, we have the option and right to be married, in a monogamous committed relationship, in a polyamorous relationship, single, asexual, etc. Being with or without a partner does not define me, nor make me less or incomplete. I know I’m not the first to say that. It’s frustrating that I even have to repeat it. Aren’t we as a community in a constant battle against conformity of the patriarchal society’s norms? I don’t get it.
So out of frustration, a need to vent and to provide an opportunity to enlighten those challenged with the capacity for manners and foresight, I’m putting this list together. Who knows, maybe some of those that asked me why I’m single may find themselves in a position to appreciate this. No, I’m not wishing it upon you. I’m just saying life has a way of doing things like that. Ya never know!
Keep in mind that I obviously realize the following may not apply to everyone. It does however state the possibilities!
10) You’re more open to going somewhere or doing something different, adding to your life experience and making you a more well-rounded person i.e. INTERESTING.
9) It’s a time when you’re most likely to take a leap and make some changes whether physical: new ‘do or new tat, spiritual: feed your soul, or mental: change your attitude.
8) You have the opportunity to see that the “other side of the fence,” (i.e. being in a relationship), isn’t necessarily greener. It’s just different.
7) It’s a perfect time to take inventory on your actions, thoughts and behaviors that make it difficult to have a healthy relationship. No one is perfect and we all have a part in what didn’t work. Learn from it. Take steps to change it. Clear the slate and be ready to be a better partner, IF that’s what you want.
6) It’s also a time when you’re 100% yourself. You approach meeting new people or participating in new activities with an open energy whether you’re conscious of it or not.
5) You’re literally free to do whatever makes you happy without having to take anyone else’s feelings and/or opinions into account.
4) No disagreements, conflicts, compromises, explanations, accommodations, limitations, restrictions, etc. allowing you to focus your energy on making life better for yourself.
3) You tend to be healthier and take better care of yourself because you want to look good and be attractive to a potential date. Better yet, just do it for yourself!
2) You hang out more often with other singles so your social/recreational life becomes more vibrant and diverse.
1) You have the opportunity to spend more alone time to regroup, nurture your soul and reflect on what you want out of life.
For more info on the single life (whether recent or not) check out some of our other posts!
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A Chicago original of Mexican decent, Alma has been part of the Chicago’s LGBTQ community longer than she’d like to admit. She’s been maneuvering through its diverse social circles, networking relentlessly in an attempt to satisfy her need to understand and get to know the people that make up our amazing and unique community. Her path began as a social butterfly whose interests were solely to meet and entertain friends. Now her desire is to channel her strengths, talents and passion into ways she can be of service for the Chicago LGBTQ community that she so loves and respects.