Top 10 Reasons Why Being Single Is NOT Pathetic or even Bad

I’ve only been single a short while compared to the years I’ve been in committed relationships. Fortunately, I’m way over the depressing “boohoo I’m alone and lonely” phase and very much into the “hey, this ain’t so bad” part. I’m not saying that one is better than the other. All I’m suggesting is that one should appreciate the time in whichever situation you find yourself. I’ll admit that, for the first 2 years that I was single, I was miserable. In retrospect, however, it was simply because I had never lived alone since I was born. I went from living with my parents to living with my second girlfriend and then my third, my fourth and my fifth. So of course coming home to no one but my devoted dog was different and dreadful and took a while getting used to.

After a few years of riding solo, I’ve learned from my experiences that being single is a process and an integral part of evolving into your true YOU!

That said, the REAL reason I’m writing this list is because frankly I’m INCREDIBLY over people asking me “Why are you still single?” with this pathetic “Aw, I feel so sorry for you!” or “So, what’s wrong with you?” look. Really?! First of all, that’s a RUDE question, period! Especially when you’re asking it at a bar surrounded by people and blaring music. Secondly, what part of me is telling you I’m not ok with it? Lastly, why make it sound like it’s a horrible “condition?” Worse yet, like there must be something wrong with me because otherwise I’d have a partner attached at my hip?

Here’s another thought for you. In this day and age, we are womyn, (born or gender identified); empowered beings with choices and the right to have them. Therefore, we have the option and right to be married, in a monogamous committed relationship, in a polyamorous relationship, single, asexual, etc. Being with or without a partner does not define me, nor make me less or incomplete. I know I’m not the first to say that. It’s frustrating that I even have to repeat it. Aren’t we as a community in a constant battle against conformity of the patriarchal society’s norms? I don’t get it.

So out of frustration, a need to vent and to provide an opportunity to enlighten those challenged with the capacity for manners and foresight, I’m putting this list together. Who knows, maybe some of those that asked me why I’m single may find themselves in a position to appreciate this. No, I’m not wishing it upon you. I’m just saying life has a way of doing things like that. Ya never know!

Keep in mind that I obviously realize the following may not apply to everyone. It does however state the possibilities!

10) You’re more open to going somewhere or doing something different, adding to your life experience and making you a more well-rounded person i.e. INTERESTING.

9) It’s a time when you’re most likely to take a leap and make some changes whether physical: new ‘do or new tat, spiritual: feed your soul, or mental: change your attitude.

8) You have the opportunity to see that the “other side of the fence,” (i.e. being in a relationship), isn’t necessarily greener. It’s just different.

7) It’s a perfect time to take inventory on your actions, thoughts and behaviors that make it difficult to have a healthy relationship. No one is perfect and we all have a part in what didn’t work. Learn from it. Take steps to change it. Clear the slate and be ready to be a better partner, IF that’s what you want.

6) It’s also a time when you’re 100% yourself. You approach meeting new people or participating in new activities with an open energy whether you’re conscious of it or not.

5) You’re literally free to do whatever makes you happy without having to take anyone else’s feelings and/or opinions into account.

4) No disagreements, conflicts, compromises, explanations, accommodations, limitations, restrictions, etc. allowing you to focus your energy on making life better for yourself.

3) You tend to be healthier and take better care of yourself because you want to look good and be attractive to a potential date. Better yet, just do it for yourself!

2) You hang out more often with other singles so your social/recreational life becomes more vibrant and diverse.

1) You have the opportunity to spend more alone time to regroup, nurture your soul and reflect on what  you want out of life.

For more info on the single life (whether recent or not) check out some of our other posts!

Newly separated? Get some legal advice

Celebrating single-hood?

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About Alma

A Chicago original of Mexican decent, Alma has been part of the Chicago’s LGBTQ community longer than she’d like to admit. She’s been maneuvering through its diverse social circles, networking relentlessly in an attempt to satisfy her need to understand and get to know the people that make up our amazing and unique community. Her path began as a social butterfly whose interests were solely to meet and entertain friends. Now her desire is to channel her strengths, talents and passion into ways she can be of service for the Chicago LGBTQ community that she so loves and respects.


10 Responses to “Top 10 Reasons Why Being Single Is NOT Pathetic or even Bad”

  1. You are amazing! Whether single, taken, or otherwise!

    Posted by Dawn | November 2, 2012, 12:28 pm
  2. The last point has been the best. Congratulation. Your diction is excellent to me, it must for you’re enough alone to give somewhat on good expression. That’s perfect. You’re not alone to be single, right now you’ve found at least another one who’s been single for quite long. I have a herpes on my lips……. and tell me where the lesbians are…. . Greetings of another continent.

    Posted by Wildile | November 6, 2012, 1:05 pm
  3. I absolutely love your article and it is so true!

    There are so many single girls out there that feel categorised because of this system. I very much think it is the person themselves that defines who they are.

    Read my piece on

    It compliments very well. If you ever did fancy guest blogging with us, you’ve got some great content 🙂

    Posted by Ashleigh Auld | March 13, 2013, 2:19 am
  4. Loving this!!! Absolutely true, and exciting, especially right now. As much as I love being with someone special, I’d rather be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong ones. Nothing wrong with being single. Embrace your situation, no matter what, I say.

    Posted by Lisa E | June 14, 2013, 3:05 pm
  5. Well for me being Single is very bad, especially Not having a love life right now. And many of us men hate very much being all alone and having no one since it is very hard nowadays trying to meet a good woman to share our life with.

    Posted by Truth | November 7, 2014, 11:16 am
  6. I commend you on your article. I have been feeling the same way as you for a long time. I am forming a group on Facebook and Twitter called What on Earth is wrong with being Single? What I resent more is other people thinking that I am somewhat abnormal for having made a conscious decision to be single.

    Posted by Anna Fergusson | March 11, 2015, 4:27 am
  7. Being single really sucks when you have No one to share your life with, Especially when you get older.

    Posted by ReallyDoes | February 7, 2016, 2:28 pm
  8. Well then again many of us Good men keep meeting Pathetic Loser Women all the times which tells the whole story. And God Forbid if we ever met a Good One.

    Posted by Tom | July 13, 2016, 9:45 am


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