I have been reading a lot more lately. Filling my head with the words and insights of other people – artists, thinkers, poets and dreamers. Thinking that perhaps I can enlighten myself and understand more certainly what this life is really supposed to be about. Yearning to live a fulfilling life – a full – filling – life…..and wondering out loud and over again – what does it really mean?
Our hearts once young and over flowing with light fought shadows of uncertainty, beating through open meadows of tall grass and seas of disconnect in hopes of finding the meaning of life. The call of love, the whispers of knowledge and the screams of desire embraced and discarded us. Held us, repulsed us and intrigued us all in one moment of undocumented time. Rebels with and without causes running down the streets of the unlived cities, reading the words of the obsolete poet, and eating the foods from the untended fields – living life without boundaries, without hope or expectation – in the moment forever and ever and ever…..unknowingly trying to find our way home.
A fulfilling life is one defined for each of us in our own language and truths. My truth most certainly is not yours nor yours mine. I might find contentment in working and living a minimalist’s life. The 9 to 5 middle income job and cuddling on the couch with the pup and a cold brewski might be all I need to smile and sleep like a baby at night. Contentment in the company of friends and family – keeping a clean house and a pure heart and planning for that trip to the Dells in July might just be enough. Working to live not living to work and taking care of me and my own without regard or complications of what else is going on in the world. A simple and fulfilling life.
You might need to see the world and question the prophets. No night could ever be full enough, no paycheck large enough, no crowd welcoming enough. The center of attention in a world of circus and chaotic circumstances – the preacher – the dealer – the spot light stealer. You may need to make history and change long held beliefs – take the world and tweak all its opinions until your words have been echoed in the valleys far from home. You may never sleep a peaceful sleep and you may never know your neighbor’s name – but in your heart you are living a fulfilling life.
The balance and the peace and the fairness and the truth all come when we allow ourselves to be ourselves. When kindness out weighs injustice and simplicity is not confused for ignorance. When judgment and expectations are not measurements for value and integrity. In our lives, our fulfilling lives, we need to recognize the walls beyond the walls we paint, we need to have compassion for the voice no matter the language it speaks, and we need to be true to ourselves – no matter how painful and unfulfilling that can sometimes be. Together, in all our magnificent differences, we can still find contentment and possibility – and in so doing – might accept how fulfilling our life might actually be.
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About K. Guzman
Kathy grew up all over the US - lots of east coast time. She is a surfer girl with an unabridged curiosity. A woman whose mid life awakening continues to bring her to the place she was meant to be. Her degree in Journalism/Creative Writing from the University of Central Florida is being yanked from the archives and put to good use. Her two kids are grown and rock stars in this wild world – her Harley is ready for some serious summer miles – and her heart remains open to life, women and the possibilities each day brings.