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Top 10 Gifts to Never Give Your Sweetie for Valentine’s Day

1. Exercise equipment:

“What! Do you think I’m fat? What are you trying to say?” I get the idea that maybe you just want your sweetie to me Happy and Healthy, but this is not a wise way to do it. Plus exercise equipment tends to become just another thing you have to donate to the Brown Elephant.

Alternative: Cook her a healthy homemade dinner and go all out with napkins, music etc. It is an affordable sweet solution and a great selling point if you can actually cook. Don’t know how to cook, than check out our Lipstick in the Kitchen page.

2. Hair Removal Anything.

Even if it is fancy expensive treatment at the local spa, don’t do it, unless your lady specifically asks for it. Personal hygiene product should generally be avoided.

Alternative: Spa package that allows her to choose what she wants. This way she gets exactly the kind of pampering she deserves, after all it’s about your lady’s needs not yours.

3. Clothes:

I know a lot of you may argue with me on this one. As always if she specifically asks for something she needs, always get her that gift. Generally I would say clothes are a hard thing to get on V-day for two reasons, it not very romantic and after the holidays we may not be the same size we used to be.

Alternative: A fancy lingerie set. This says who cares about the extra pounds; I still think you are one sexy lady.

4. Gift Cards:

There can be a few exceptions to this rule, but it tends to seem uncreative and like you almost completely forgot that is was Valentine’s Day.

Alternative: If you need last minute on gift ideas, you can always hand make coupons of special things you will do for your sweetie. It can be chores around the house, or you can think of things a little sexier.

5. Puppies:

Really any pet on Valentine’s Day is a BAD IDEA! As much as I love animals, pets, like children are a lot of work and need to be discussed thoroughly as a couple before a commitment is made. I cannot even tell you the amount of animals that end up in shelters after break-ups .

Alternative: Get your animal lover a romantic trip to the zoo, or one of those cheesy cards of a puppy kissing a kitty. Animal lovers can’t help but smile at cute puppy cards.

6. Appliances:

Don’t do it! Have you ever seen The Father of the Bride? It implies that she should be cooking for you. Plus, appliances are really gifts for the kitchen; this is your sweetie’s special day.

Alternative: Take your cook enthusiast out to a fancy restaurant that she has always wanted to try. Foodies love other foodies.

7. Re-Gifting:

I should not even have to put this up here. But in case you thought you would get away with re-gifting last year’s dead flame, you won’t get away with it. Any money you would save will be spent on making up for your lack of judgment. Re-Gifting if ever done should be saved for people you don’t know well at all.

Alternative: No Cash, No Problem. You can hand make a card with coupons inside. See above.

8. Stuffed Animals:

I’ve learned this the hard way, but anyone over the age of 14 really does not want a stuffed animal. Yes, they are cute, but grown women really don’t want this on their bed. Give it to the dog instead.

Alternative: Instead of having a stuffed toy, buy her a play toy. It may make her blush at first, but she’ll be thanking you later. Not sure what she likes, take her to the store with you. There are too many queer and female friendly shops in Chicago to not take advantage of their expertise. (CHECK OUT My Favorites TULIP or EARLY TO BED)

9. An Engagement Ring:

This one many people may argue with as well, especially if you think your lady is expecting a ring. I would have to say that picking a day other than V-day is more romantic and surprising. Worse yet, if she is expecting a ring, don’t get any jewelry that looks like it might be a ring. This could turn into a horrible left-down. No matter how pretty or expensive the earrings are they will make her cry if she thought you were purposing.

Alternative: Take her on a romantic getaway and propose there. Give her the tickets on V-day and the engagement ring on your romantic trip. I know it’s expensive, but wait until you see what a wedding costs.

10. Singing Telegrams:

For the right person with a very good sense of humor this could very well be the perfect gift, but I’m guessing you don’t know her well enough to determine this if you are reading my article. If you don’t know her that well, don’t do it. This could easily turn into a bad situation for many reasons. Some people might find it embarrassing, she might too shy to like the attention, or she might not even be “out” at work. No matter how comfortable people are about their sexuality, being out at work is a very different scenario.

Alternative: Send flowers to work instead. You don’t have to sign the card or you can just sign with initials if you are unsure about whether she out or not. Women love flowers and some women even expect flowers on Valentine’s Day. So even if it is not original, you are better off doing what’s expected than coming up short.

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About Kim

Kimberly Rogers, LCSW. like many Queer Ohioans fled to Chicago when Issue #1 (most discriminating marriage ban in the US) passed by 75%. Now she works in the fight against HIV/AIDS as a psychotherapist and smarter-sex advocate. A Master’s graduate from the University of Chicago, Kim mixes her interests of gender, sexuality, queer politics, and mental health liberation into a her own Sex-Positive Psychotherapy Practice. She feels so fortunate to be working with such amazing and passionate people.

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