Maybe it is all in my imagination – as a matter of fact – I am sure it is. But there was a moment this weekend that caught me by surprise and has my little mind working overtime – did I miss an opportunity???
There was a big ole party at Spyner’s last weekend – birthdays and CMSA hoopla and a new band called The Hot Mess. The place was jamming – wall to wall crowd of women who were out for a good time on a Friday night. There were sporty girls and biker girls and older girls and younger girls – I guess what I am trying to say is there was someone there for everyone. There was karaoke madness and live music and the kind of drinks in which you can actually taste the alcohol rather than the soda.
I was in the crowd in the back room. I was having a great time – back and forth running around like a crazy girl – talking to the band and thinking about a story the L Stop should write. Getting Lil P her Captain and Coke so she could shut down those opening night jitters and watching Sami try to check sound and take pictures all at the same time. There were so many familiar faces, and maybe the names aren’t real clear to me – but the faces and the smiles and the acceptance they offer are crystal clear.
I stood still for a moment as I spoke to a friend and met some new friends. During my conversation my eyes lifted and caught the eyes of someone I had never seen before. Her hair was dark and cropped short – her eyes were big and brown and looking right at me. Her face was perfect and she smiled a wry, intentional smile for me. My super hyper toned peripheral vision told me she had a long lean neck and her black t-shirt with the lace collar hit the nape in the same place her delicate silver necklace laid. All the while my conversation continued with my buds – but my eyes stayed trapped in hers – and hers in mine. One – two – three – maybe four seconds pass and I disconnected my anchoring eyes from hers as I finish the sentence I no longer remember starting. As quickly as I looked away – I looked back to find her eyes greeting mine again. I was distracted and frozen in my place and as I turned once again to ease my way out of the corner my friends had me trapped in and lifted my head to get another look at the vision across the room – she was gone. She was totally and completely gone – faded into the crowd of women without a trace. I didn’t see her again all night. Shit.
There are moments in life that stick inside of you for no good reasons. I make eye contact with too many people to mention on any given day – any given Friday night for that matter. It is nothing – there is no ringing of familiarity or sign of ridiculous undefined connection. There is a hit and run of recognition and I move on. This was different – this was innately uncomfortable and made something in my head spin just a little and my heart fall out of rhythm for a moment. WTF??? Really? Hello junior high….
The haunting of opportunities missed play tricks on my crazy Gemini heart. There was a moment of time that froze and I want it back. I know – this is like a little fairy tale in my little brain. I know – my imagination is out of control again. But really –is it too crazy to wish that she left a glass slipper behind – so I could find her and catch her eye just one more time.
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About K. Guzman
Kathy grew up all over the US - lots of east coast time. She is a surfer girl with an unabridged curiosity. A woman whose mid life awakening continues to bring her to the place she was meant to be. Her degree in Journalism/Creative Writing from the University of Central Florida is being yanked from the archives and put to good use. Her two kids are grown and rock stars in this wild world – her Harley is ready for some serious summer miles – and her heart remains open to life, women and the possibilities each day brings.