I can remember when I was still in school and I had the best “BFF” in the world. We were like peas in a pod, jelly in a jar, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. The world was right and there was nothing that we couldn’t tackle together – at least that is what I thought. Then out of left field she decides she wants to give our secret password to the new girl in our English class. I just hate when perfect soup gets all jacked up because someone had to throw in a new, untested ingredient.
I have noticed it my whole life. The dynamics of friendships and relationships and how they ebb and flow with the changes that time and experience and new faces can bring our way. Even as a kid – when life was really much simpler – when there were two of us in a friendship it was so easy – so natural. But bring in that third friend and somehow someway – the simpatico feeling we were just feeling is harder to find. The balance on that damn see saw is not so balanced anymore. That third opinion, third idea, third interpretation of what was fun and funny or right and interesting put a damper on the whole two best friends in the whole wide world aura we were sharing. And I had to decide if I could stand to be a part of what was once so easy and breezy and was now somehow difficult and unnatural. I don’t like changing myself for the comfort of others – especially when their comfort makes me uncomfortable or takes away what was once a good thing. Compromise only goes so far in this life – it is important to be true to ones self – always – no matter how hard it usually is.
It’s an odd thing – even now. Most of my friends who have husbands or partners have been my friends through free choice. We had something that drew us together and held us there. We shared moments and memories and established a friendship over time. I chose you to be in my life – I did not choose your partner – just as you chose me to be in your life, with or without my partner. That being said – if all goes well and karma takes good care of all of us – we will all get along fabulously. There will be no friction or jealousy or one man/woman upmanship to contend with. We will actually all like each other for real and not have to pretend we are having a good time. We can continue on our journey in each other’s lives as long as everyone plays nice in the sandbox.
I do realize that we all grow and change – but the reason and the core of the connection a true friendship gives will always remain unchanged. So….when and if that partner turns out to be the partner from hell and they change who you and I are – or make our friendship less than what it once was at the core – I have no problem removing myself from the situation. I will do what is best for you and me and the innocent bystanders. I will jump my ass out of those double dating social group nightmares and head my merry way to the nearest safe house.
I love getting together with friends. Love the riding and going out to dinner and hanging around for no good reason. I even like meeting new people every now and again. That will never ever change. I understand the chemistry will change as old friends bring in new friends and we all start growing up and finding partners to share our lives. And for the most part everything will be groovy cause we are cool like that. But as life swings for us both please try and promise me one thing – try not to expect me to love your girlfriend or you wife or your new little sweetie baby just because you do – and I will promise you the same.
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About K. Guzman
Kathy grew up all over the US - lots of east coast time. She is a surfer girl with an unabridged curiosity. A woman whose mid life awakening continues to bring her to the place she was meant to be. Her degree in Journalism/Creative Writing from the University of Central Florida is being yanked from the archives and put to good use. Her two kids are grown and rock stars in this wild world – her Harley is ready for some serious summer miles – and her heart remains open to life, women and the possibilities each day brings.