A friend of mine is leaving town. She is just not happy here anymore. She is fed up and disappointed at the story of her life up to this point. She is leaving her job and her family and group of friends behind to begin again in a sunny place. She is outwardly optimistic, excited and ready to get a fresh start on life. But I am worried. Worried for her because the thing I think so many people avoid and don’t really understand is that no matter how many coats of paint you put on the outside of that house – unless you fix the rotting walls within – it is still going to crumble to the ground one day.
We can change the scenery as many times as we want – we can start over in a new city – change our career path – find a new bunch of friends to call our own – change our names and the color of our hair – but nothing in our lives will ever truly change until we recognize and fix ourselves from the inside. Just the way it is…
Try as we may to run from and mask our insecurities and weaknesses, downfalls and emotional scars – no matter how frustrated we are with lost opportunities and failed relationships – until we actually confront all of our demons and ask them why and understand them – they will always be a part of who we are. We will always have that little voice inside of us that keeps us awake at night and causes us to question our purpose and direction. That darkness that perpetuates anxiety, pettiness and uncertainty. That little part of us that refuses to allow us to be open and honest and all the way out there. Self doubt and internal sabotage will follow us to mountain tops and sunny shores – because they exist within each of us. It is so cliché really – but – until we are truly truly happy from the inside – we can never ever be happy in this world – no matter what we try to tell ourselves, no matter where we move or who we surround ourselves with.
I believe it all comes down to realization and complete acceptance of our own truth. Integrity and intentions play a big roll in where we end up emotionally in this world. We have to be good with ourselves, our decisions and actions – especially when they affect someone else in the room. The challenge is to forgive ourselves when we need to and to be kind to those who need forgiving.
It is so easy to act out and pretentiously move through the times of our lives – so easy to go through the motions of living. So easy to pick up and run to the illusion of a better life. But ultimately, our lives ring untrue and our happiness is barely skin deep if we do not look inside, stand our ground and stop running from who we really are.
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About K. Guzman
Kathy grew up all over the US - lots of east coast time. She is a surfer girl with an unabridged curiosity. A woman whose mid life awakening continues to bring her to the place she was meant to be. Her degree in Journalism/Creative Writing from the University of Central Florida is being yanked from the archives and put to good use. Her two kids are grown and rock stars in this wild world – her Harley is ready for some serious summer miles – and her heart remains open to life, women and the possibilities each day brings.