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I will if you will

It is not all about the public display of affection. We all have our own opinions about that. It’s not even about showing everyone in the room what a mighty fine catch I made. It’s not about possession or control or marking my territory. It’s about doing what I want to do where I want to do it and when I want to do it with the person that I want to do it with – got it??

When I was a little girl I got my first kiss on the side of my house behind the big fence that hid us from the world outside. I was 5 years old – oh yeah – rock and roll is my middle name!! I could kiss and kiss and kiss all day – as long as nobody caught me. Innocent enough – for sure – nothing more and nothing less – just sweet innocent not even in first grade kind of love. The point is, I guess, the hiding out part. The under cover hand holding and kissing and whispering secrets that only we would ever know. That sort of kiddy time sharing of affection was amazing for a 5 year old but it has no place in our grown up world.

I don’t understand the hesitation and deliberate boundaries that are put in place – by those afraid to show their love and by those who are not sure of whom they want to love. I think before we go into a place of intimacy and possibilities we better be damn clear on what that step will mean. I don’t want to date the girl who is afraid of what the people say. Afraid to look into my eyes with that all or nothing I am gonna tackle you and love you good kind of look. I have been in that place before – and it is not reality. What can possibly be real about a relationship that takes place in dark rooms and hidden places?? If we are walking down the street and I reach to hold your hand – your hand better be reaching out and willing to be holding mine. It is important that we stand tall in the knowledge of who we are, what we want, and how we plan to express those things. It is more important that we do not keep our natural attraction and expression of that attraction in some dark and ridiculous closet.

Maybe society and our neighbors aren’t totally ready for the girl on girl thing. Maybe there will be looks and whispers and maybe there will even be nasty judgement. But I am willing to feel all that there is to feel in this world, the good, the bad and the almost intolerable – in order to be free to love whomever I want to love. Just because my smile is for the girl across the room and not the boy next door does not mean that my smile is any less certain, any less real, any less valuable. Nobody puts this baby in a corner – my expressions of affection are as “right” as the next person’s – and I will not think before I smile, whisper, grab, hold, hug or kiss the perfectness of the one I want to love.

Until you are certain in your own heart and mind about who you are and what you want and all you are able to express – do not cross the street baby. Stay on your side of the road and I will stay on mine. And when the fog lifts and you are certain of all I am already so certain of – come hold my hand and kiss my lips and we can show the world what this “girl love” is all about.

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About K. Guzman

Kathy grew up all over the US - lots of east coast time. She is a surfer girl with an unabridged curiosity. A woman whose mid life awakening continues to bring her to the place she was meant to be. Her degree in Journalism/Creative Writing from the University of Central Florida is being yanked from the archives and put to good use. Her two kids are grown and rock stars in this wild world – her Harley is ready for some serious summer miles – and her heart remains open to life, women and the possibilities each day brings.

Discussion

5 Responses to “I will if you will”

  1. Love this post!

    Posted by Alicia | August 31, 2011, 10:40 am
  2. Interesting conclusion

    Posted by Casey | August 31, 2011, 11:12 am
  3. Thank you Alicia — why interesting Casey??? 🙂

    Posted by K Guzman | August 31, 2011, 2:07 pm
  4. Touche Guzman!

    Posted by Mandy | August 31, 2011, 8:03 pm
  5. That couldn’t have been better said! Thanx:)

    Posted by Jeanine | October 25, 2011, 11:09 am

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