Growing up we all listened to the stories and fairy tales read and told to us by our parents and teachers. We watched the Hollywood interpretation of happily ever after and every -dream- can- come- truisms. Most of us took those visions that saturated our imaginations and we secretly put them into our hearts and tried to live the life that we were obviously suppose to live – after all – the books and the movies couldn’t all be wrong! And then one day, one very regular non specific day – the story just stopped making sense..
Once upon a time there was a beautiful girl and she met a handsome boy and he convinced her that they should get married and live happily ever after. They made a plan and they smiled for the camera. They had babies and bought houses and worked jobs to pay the bills. They shared holidays and went on vacations and time passed. The girl began to feel a loss she could not explain – an emptiness she could not define. Still the time went and the children grew and the marriage became a convenience like the electricity and running water. The beautiful girl had become a beautiful woman and a voice inside of her screamed to be heard. She did not love the boy – her life was void of laughter and passion and full of servitude and regret. Her credulity led her to a lie and the lie became her way of life. This was not the fairy tale she imagined – this was not the happiness she had hoped for – this was not the comfort and certainty that surely should be her life. Reality and memory pushed her into a mid life awakening that she knew would inevitably take her to the place she most needed to be.
Nowhere in her perfect childhood had anyone read the story about how the girl next door lived until the end of all things with the girl next door. There was no Hollywood premiere telling the tale of a woman having a partnership and passion filled life with another woman. But she knew in her heart of hearts that she was most at home with the women in her life. She knew intimacy in its deepest form and truest levels with women – not men. Her mind twisted and turned as she opened her heart and began to live an authentic life. The anchor unleashed from her neck and the smile replaced the frown as her life deliberately became her own again.
It had always been women. Her happiness and truth was in a woman’s eyes, in a woman’s touch, in a woman’s kiss and in the laughter that she shared with a woman. It was not a switch that went off in her middle aged mind – it was not an experimental voyage into the “dark side”. It was the missing chapter in a book she misplaced all those years ago. It was the lost piece of the puzzle that kept her searching and yearning and wondering for such a long, lonely time. It was suddenly clear that being with a woman and loving a woman in the real world was the beginning of the long winding road to her happily ever after – after all.
Now what are we going to do about all those books that had it all wrong???
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About K. Guzman
Kathy grew up all over the US - lots of east coast time. She is a surfer girl with an unabridged curiosity. A woman whose mid life awakening continues to bring her to the place she was meant to be. Her degree in Journalism/Creative Writing from the University of Central Florida is being yanked from the archives and put to good use. Her two kids are grown and rock stars in this wild world – her Harley is ready for some serious summer miles – and her heart remains open to life, women and the possibilities each day brings.