We have all been there. We have known the torment of unrequited love and the solitude of mending our broken heart. We have been left standing without hope or explanation as our one true love turns her phone to silent and tells us we are not what she wants after all. Sometimes it feels so devastating that our very breath is all that reminds us that we are still with the living – that we can still be seen by the other faces in the room. There is drama in love and in lost love there is pain and hopefully resurrection. But in that crazy in between time – the time between devastation and rejuvenation of our fragile hearts there is a cloudy dream like place that some of us may recognize.
“She waited for the storm to finish pouring down all the guilt and regret from all the days and moments she could remember. She waited for the breath to find its way back into her tired body as if the air would somehow push the worthless thoughts and dreams from her aging mind. She waited for the sun to come around the corner and light her way to a better place, a happier time, a peaceful happily ever after kind of world. She waited for tomorrow to come for surly tomorrow would show her a reason to stay – a reason to try – a reason to care. Surely tomorrow would bring her back to the person she longed to be – the woman she almost was – the truth of all she was supposed to know. Tomorrow would bring peace and hope and a loving certainty to her life – tomorrow would save her from herself if saving was possible. She took a breath so deep that her head grew light and the air stung the back of her throat – her eyes watered and the tears of something she did not know fell silently down her face. She was alone in this world – in the storm of it all – in the darkness and flashing light. She was alone from morning till night and the whole way back again. Her sad and tormented heart was screaming for relief, begging for comfort and a safe place to rest. And in the moments when the last drops of rain spilled across her view of the world – she was still ever hopeful that she too deserved to have the kind of love that stole the sun from the sky to light her dreams in the darkest times.”
Somehow with each passing moment we carry on. We learn to hear our voice again and fill the void which once was her laughter with new distractions. Our friends remind us of our remarkableness and tell us tomorrow will be a better day and every day after will get easier. They tell us that there is someone out there that will love us the way we deserve to be loved and will appreciate the essence of all we are. We are reminded by these wonderful friends and their significant other that we should not look for love and that it will come and find us. Days turn into weeks which blossom into months and we are somehow able to eat and breathe and work and play and carry on in this crazy world. The memories of her kiss and her laugh and her scent disappear from our minds if only to linger in our hearts longer than we like – but they hurt us no more.
Life swings and the changes bring awakenings as we learn to love ourselves again. We think back on a love that was lost and we take our lessons learned and cradle them close as reminders of all we need not do again. And believe it or not – my momma was so right – what doesn’t kill us girls – will only make us stronger – will only make us wiser – and will surely help to heal our broken hearts. Time does mend a broken heart – when we let it.
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About K. Guzman
Kathy grew up all over the US - lots of east coast time. She is a surfer girl with an unabridged curiosity. A woman whose mid life awakening continues to bring her to the place she was meant to be. Her degree in Journalism/Creative Writing from the University of Central Florida is being yanked from the archives and put to good use. Her two kids are grown and rock stars in this wild world – her Harley is ready for some serious summer miles – and her heart remains open to life, women and the possibilities each day brings.