Ask Alma

Why do women date women that know each other too well?

Ask AlmaWhy do women date women that know each other too well?

Why do they not choose to date people who are not connected in the scene?!!

Then after all of this you’re in a room full of ex girlfriends …





Alma’s Answer:

Although it may be difficult to accept, the answer is quite simple: convenience and limited number of available women that are out in the scene. I’ve often been asked this question. It seems to be a thorn in many a woman’s side. Sadly, this has been the reason for many painful post-breakup experiences. But as we all know, it happens ALL..THE..TIME. “A” starts dating “B” who introduces her to her group of friends that includes “C”. “A” breaks up with “B” and starts seeing “C” at which point “A” and “C” drop out of “B’s” group of friends due to sneers and dirty looks. The fact of the matter is that most women rely solely on the social scene to meet other single (& sometimes not) women. Since half of the lesbian community rarely, if ever, steps into a club or bar the “pool” is very limited. You see the same people all the time. On the rare occasion that you meet someone that just happened to venture out, it’s like striking gold.

The other aspect in this situation is that “A” has had an opportunity to see “C” on a social level and has gotten to know her first as a “friend”. Let’s be honest with ourselves. Wouldn’t it be a better idea to get to know someone as a friend first before slapping a commitment ring on her & moving in? Don’t get me wrong even that doesn’t ensure a long lasting relationship. However, it would give both women the opportunity to find out with whom they’re getting involved.

Ideally, single women would try as many different venues as possible for meeting other single ladies. What options do we have you ask? Well, there’s always online dating. I know, I know. Many find this tacky or embarrassing. BUT I have many friends who have met their soul mate online and are still in committed relationships. A couple of them already have or are planning on tying the knot. Also, hey, ask your friends! They can be a wonderful resource for meeting other singles. Who knows! The hot UPS woman that delivers regularly to your best friend’s place of employment may not be at all what she likes but PERFECT for you! Are you fabulous at entertaining? Have a singles BBQ or cocktail party. Invite your single friends and have them invite theirs. Lastly, there are many organizations such as Center on Halsted, Dating for Nerds & Amigas Latinas that have speed dating events. Keep checking on the L Stop’s list of events for the next one.



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The information provided on The L Stop is meant to raise awareness about different perspectives, cultures, values, etc. Because everyone is different, the ideas expressed on this site are the ideas of the individual writer’s and cannot be used to diagnose or treat individual sexual, romantic, or psychological problems.

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About Alma

A Chicago original of Mexican decent, Alma has been part of the Chicago’s LGBTQ community longer than she’d like to admit. She’s been maneuvering through its diverse social circles, networking relentlessly in an attempt to satisfy her need to understand and get to know the people that make up our amazing and unique community. Her path began as a social butterfly whose interests were solely to meet and entertain friends. Now her desire is to channel her strengths, talents and passion into ways she can be of service for the Chicago LGBTQ community that she so loves and respects.


3 Responses to “Why do women date women that know each other too well?”

  1. I’m guilty of this myself. In my opinion, the formula is: feeling lonely + attraction + alcohol = BOOM! Stuff happens.

    Posted by Vivian | May 12, 2011, 1:17 pm
  2. Hey you silly chicks! Its called dating, try it! Date and explain to each and everyone that you go out with what to expect. Honesty makes everything fair. Yeah yeah, someone may get hurt, including you. But, its how most of the world does it. The more girls you interact with the better a chance yo have finding the best one for you at the time. Its ok if you date ppl who know each other…we have a small community. It happens, and it will. Biggest mistake you can make is telling a girl you love her when she may not be the one you should commit to. Ladies sometimes “love” JUST AINT ENOUGH!!! Happy hunting!!!

    Posted by Meg* | May 12, 2011, 1:45 pm
  3. That formula is old and tired. Solution? Don’t limit yourself to lesbian friends as your only social circle. I find it the less gay friends I have the less drama in my life. Love it.

    Posted by Marta | August 30, 2011, 11:11 am

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