There is a tradition of certain lesbian couples being guilty of PDA, public displays of affection – public make out sessions, hands down pant pockets, sharing too much about their sex lives. But now, in an age where the youth of our nation communicate mainly through social networking sites, lesbians must be cautious of a new phenomenon: what I like to call FBDA, Facebook Displays of Affection.
Is it a good idea to express your intimacy or affection with your partner or girlfriend via Facebook?
* Yes, I’m aware that Facebook has not completely monopolized the social networking universe. I’m using “Facebook” to include a social networking site that may be in vogue.
Intimate Wall Posts: Broadcasting Your Personal Discussions
Personal and intimate wall postings are probably the key component of FBDA. Being able to post a message on someone’s wall allows any of their friends to see what you posted. Romantic wall posts invite people outside your relationship into your intimate conversations.
Recently, I went out with a girl who posted a “bumper sticker” on my wall. The bumper sticker had an illustration of two people and read, “Our age difference doesn’t bother me.” While this was totally innocent and humorous flirting, I got a bit nervous.
- I have not told any of my family that I had gone on a date with anyone since my last girlfriend. And, I did not want my mother to be informed by my Facebook page
- (Side note: My parents must have some kind of social networking Intel agents or something. And, to all you cocky teens who do not know why you’re grounded half the time, your parents probably have Intel too.)
Relationship Status: Making “It’s complicated” All The More Complicated
One of the benefits of a Facebook page is that it allows users an information page, with various sections that members can use to share certain information about themselves, such as “favorites,” “school,” and “employment.” One of the few components I take issue with is the “relationship status.” There are multiple reasons that I find this profile information to be socially unwise.
The first reason is that, again, it broadcasts your relationship, or lack thereof. When you edit your status to So-and-So McWhats-Her-Face, So-and-So will get a message to “confirm.” Call me old fashioned, but I feel the relationship-defining discussion (the “where are we?” talk) is a conversation that a couple should have in person and not through the frivolity of a Facebook page.
Then of course, if you and So-and-So break up, and you change your relationship status to single, you are broadcasting the breakup.
Then of course, there is the ever popular “It’s Complicated” status option. This is basically inviting people to ask you questions that would otherwise fall under the “none of your business” category.
Here are some translations of the extremely ambiguous status “It’s Complicated:”
- We are “on a break”
- We broke up, but I don’t want people knowing that I cheated on her. So, I’m leaving it open to interpretation.
- I’m trying to scare her into a deeper commitment.
- She’s trying to scare me into a deeper commitment.
- I want to leave, but she has blackmail.
- I have blackmail, bitches.
Even when I decided to remove the relationship status application from my profile, apparently, even that comes up as a notification similar to “Casey removed her relationship status.” Someone was able to comment on my removed status notification: “Yay”
Personal Status: “Happy Tuesday” Would Suffice.
It’s becoming very simple to overshare on Facebook, on a daily basis, through personal Facebook status. These statuses do not only reside at the top of your Facebook page, but they are transferred to your friends’ “News Feed” on their Facebook homepages. Like wall posts, your friends can “like” or comment on a Facebook status. And, like a wall post, they seem to invite people into your personal life.
Writing so much as “Casey Larwood had the worst week” on your status, is ultimately asking for your friends to comment “y, wat hapend?”
The same goes for you lesbians with Twitter accounts. (Twatters, I believe you call yourselves). Yes you can invite people into your lesbian drama in as little as 140 characters.
Here’s a list of a few unacceptable lesbian statuses
- “Casey Larwood. Third date tonight. Got to rent a UHaul!”
- “Casey Larwood. Hey Samantha! Fun times last night! So weak in the knees I can’t even walk straight. (lol…get it? “straight”)”
- “Casey Larwood. Angela still hasn’t called yet?! :(“
- “Casey Larwood. Day 6, Angela! Still waiting!!!”
- “Casey Larwood. Just had her heart ripped out! I can’t believed I wasted two weeks of my life. Angela Jones is a fucking succubus!!!”
- “Casey Larwood. Angela, I take it back! I’m so sorry! Please, please, please just call me back!”
- “Casey Larwood. Angela, will you marry me?”
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Casey is a creative writing student at DePaul university. She enjoys reading, writing, and taking long walks around the city of Chicago.